Original funny quotes

My hobby is to sit at midnight and browse miniature dollhouses.

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Valentine's Day is like the karva chauth of unmarried ppl. Everyone has to rush home early on this day.

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I had to restart investing in stocks. Kyunki gold aukaat se bahut oopar chala gya hai, aur stocks charitra se bhi neeche gir gaye hain.

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Main kal subah BP ki dawai lena bhool gayi. Par BP ne bhi mujhe shaam ko jaa kar yaad dilaya!

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All these incessant spam calls we get are helping one company very much. That company is ....Trucaller.

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करवाचौथ एक ऐसा पर्व है जिसे मनाने वाले, और न मनाने वाले, दोनों खुश होते हैं। मनाने वाले पति प्रेम से, न मनाने वाले पेट पूजा से।

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Since my child started learning phonics, I have always spelt birthday as burthde. 

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After the launch of web Whatsapp, Bill Gates must be sleeping very soundly.

He no longer makes the buggiest software on the market.

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The magic of tolerance is this - When you become more tolerant, you also become more tolerable.

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One does not respond to deliberate ignorance with knowledge sharing. One responds to deliberate ignorance with deliberate indifference.

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There comes a time when you have to stop being the ball, and start being the player.

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If you are not at the table, you are on the table. (If you are not on the guest list, you are in the menu).

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Let me not play the devil's advocate. I am sure he has enough advocates on his payroll.

post note: And arguing for the devil is not child's play.

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One is never really prepared for embarrassment as the cause of death.

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As causes of death go, mine is most likely to be embarrassment.

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I am pretty, and I am obese. Basically, I am pretty obese.

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You know you are in trouble when the PTD (Part Time Distraction) becomes FTO (Full Time Obsession).

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He is so closed that getting him to open up will not take conversation. It will need excavation.

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She was so busy being overwhelmed that she found no time to be productive.

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God is a prankster, and i am his favourite victim. 

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Complex PTSD is like watching ur heart die or Alzeimer's instead of your head. 

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