Why to not interfere when someone we love is going through pain

When someone is going through suffering or tough times, it is a result of their karma, or part of their destiny - या कर्मफल या नियति। 

When we try to help them, it can be for two reasons - 1. It is part of their karmic balance with us that we have to step in and help at that time. Very rarely is this the case with healers. 2. We are trying to alter their karma or their destiny. 

But as we do know, it is not possible to alter either the karma or the destiny. A temporary reprieve from pain will only add more karma debt to the person. 

पर हम जानते हैं, कि कर्मफल और नियति, दोनों बदले नहीं जा सकते। इन्हें बदलने की चेष्टा करने का अर्थ है, अपना भार और बढ़ाना। 

कठिन है उस समय मदद न करना जब हम किसी को तकलीफ में देखें। संवेदनशील हृदय के लिए और भी कठिन है। 

परंतु उसे निष्ठुर होना नहीं, तटस्थ होना कहते हैं।  

पीड़ा क्षणिक है, यह जानना एक बात है, और पीड़ा का अनुभव करते हुए इस बात को समझ पाना, बिल्कुल दूसरी बात। जब पीड़ा उन्हें होती हो, जिनसे हम प्रेम करते हैं, तब और भी कठिन है, उनके कर्मफल में हस्तक्षेप न करना। इसी लिए हम सिद्ध हो कर भी अपने घर वालों के लिए सिद्धि का प्रयोग वर्जित करते हैं। 

On Miracles

We think that miracles are rare events - perhaps happening once or twice in a lifetime. 

We might even think that this is an understanding based on data. 

Let's sit and think, shall we? 

When we shave or wax, remember that one stubborn hair that refuses to come out? In a massacre of hair from roots, that one remains ... alive. If not a miracle, what is it? 

The child who stands up to answer the teacher, and suddenly, as soon as s/he stands up, the answer comes to them in a flash... how does that happen? 

The person who gets up in the morning with a song in the head - randomly, boards the bus, and finds the same song is playing - how? 

You crave a dish and miraculously, that dish reaches you. 

The paper goes bad but the marks are good. 

You fall but escape with just a few scrapes. 

You tend to all plants equally, but some blossom, and some wither. Why? 

A child in a house turns out to be a prodigy. 

The truth is, life is full of miracles. Some, we observe. But most others, we take for granted. 

If we think of miracles as rare events, the solution is not to learn spiritual powers. 

It is, my friend, a very simple solution - Observe more. Be more mindful. Be more present. 

And slowly, you will find yourself living on a planet that is full of miracles of all kinds. 

Deh Shiva Bar Mohe Ihe and Sukhwinder Singh

Deh Shiva Bar Mohe Ihe and Soora so are the 2 Sikh hymns that mean a lot to me. 

When I first heard Sukhwinder's voice, I knew that this was the ONLY voice that would do justice to Deh Shiva Bar Mohe Ihe. 

And from there, it was a wait of more than a decade and a half. 

Finally, at a DD channel launch, Sukhwinder Singh sang Deh Shiva Bar Mohe Ihe. 

But it was not possible to get a recording of that event. We only heard it once on TV. 

And since then, I have looked for Deh Shiva bar mohe ihe and Soora so in Sukhwinder's voice. 

First, what the hymns mean: 

ਦੇਹ ਸਿਵਾ ਬਰ ਮੋਹਿ ਇਹੈ ਸੁਭ ਕਰਮਨ ਤੇ ਕਬਹੂੰ ਨ ਟਰੋਂ ॥

Deh Shiva Bar Mohe Ihe, Shubh Karman te Kabhoon na Taron

देह शिव बर मोहे इहे शुभ करमन ते कबहूँ न टरऔँ

O Lord! grant me this boon, that I may never falter in performing righteous actions.

न डरों और सौं जब जाए लड़ो, निश्चय कर अपनी जीत करो

Na Daro aur saun jab Jaaye laDo, Nishchay kar apni jeet karo ਨ ਡਰੋਂ ਅਰਿ ਸੋ ਜਬ ਜਾਇ ਲਰੋਂ ਨਿਸਚੈ ਕਰ ਅਪਨੀ ਜੀਤ ਕਰੋਂ ॥ When I go to fight my enemies, I may not be a bit intimidated by them and may certainly become victorious.

Aru sikh (teaching) haun apne hi man ko, ih lalach ho gur ko ucharo

अरु सिख हूँ अपने ही मन को, इह लालच हो गुर को उचरो, ਅਰੁ ਸਿਖ ਹੋਂ ਆਪਨੇ ਹੀ ਮਨ ਕੌ ਇਹ ਲਾਲਚ ਹਉ ਗੁਨ ਤਉ ਉਚਰੋਂ ॥ And I may inculcate my mind with a consistent craving that I may ever utter Your praises.

जब आयु की औध निधान बने अत ही रण में तब जूझ मरो

Jab aav kee audh nidhaan bane, at hee rann mein tab joojh maro ਜਬ ਆਵ ਕੀ ਅਉਧ ਨਿਦਾਨ ਬਨੈ ਅਤ ਹੀ ਰਨ ਮੈ ਤਬ ਜੂਝ ਮਰੋਂ ॥੨੩੧॥ When my lifespan comes to an end, then I may lay down my life fighting fiercely in the battlefield.

Now, the versions

This is closest to the Mahendra Kapoor version (also the original tune of the shabad)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0M6vc8B738

This is the version sung for the hindi film Kesari

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVl_DFjY6H8

And soora soi sung by Sukhwinder for Gadar 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLOhEg91_zg

This is a version by Satinder Sartaj: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qOiMr9W7seQ

But i am recording this bcs this is the original tune of a Gurbani piece that includes - Shri Asipan kirpa tumri kar main na kahyo sab tohe bakhanyo.. sagal dwaar ko chhad ke gayo tuharo dwaar,..i will remember the full thing. But i never hear this tune any more. That gurbani was sung in our house to this tune.

On the end of a friendship

And once again, I have blabbered too much. 

I always hate opening my mouth and not knowing when to shut it. 

But these are curious days and curious times. 

Still. The Entire Diwali pooja was rotten. And this, for someone who decided to not give another human that kind of power over their lives. So much for resolution. Now for the other kind of resolution - the kind that happens on its own. We make peace with distances and come to terms with absences. 

********** 

It is always apparent

when it is imminent

And yet 

the end of a friendship 

takes us rather by surprise. 

Grief 

like seasons

must be lived through. 

************ 

Good while it lasted. 

Better when it was good. 

Best to leave it behind. 

Bridge to Self

Poetry is the bridge that connects you to yourself. 

You can go and come as often as you like. It is always there. 

Even when abandoned, the bridge stands. So long as there is an other end to get to, the bridge remains. 

Your soul has a home. The right words, the right touch, the right person - they can all take you there. They are all bridges that connect you to yourself. But I like poetry best. :) 

दिवाली, प्रेम, और परियाँ

अगर तुम कभी परियों के साथ खेले हो, 

तो तुम जानते हो 

कि परियाँ भय नहीं जानतीं

अटखेलियाँ जानती हैं

इच्छा पूरी करना जानती हैं 

हँसाना जानती हैं। 

अगर तुमने कभी प्रेम किया है 

तो तुम जानते हो 

कि प्रेम स्वार्थ नहीं जानता

समर्पण जानता है 

कंधे पर हाथ रखना जानता है 

साथ देना जानता है। 

अगर तुमने कभी दिवाली मनाई है 

तो तुम जानते हो 

कि दिवाली अंधेरा नहीं जानती 

मीठी रीत जानती है

अमावस को उजास करना जानती है 

नव वर्ष देना जानती है। 

और अगर तुम ये सब नहीं जानते, 

तो तुमने 

कभी दिवाली नहीं मनाई 

प्रेम नहीं किया 

और परियों के साथ भी नहीं खेला है।

और तब तुमने सचमुच  

जीवन कुछ कम जिया है। 

Rough translation: 

If you have played with fairies 

even once 

You know

that fairies do not know fear. 

They know gentle laughter 

Granting wishes 

being mischievous 

If you have loved 

even once

you know

that love does not know selfishness. 

It knows surrender 

companionship 

support. 

If you have celebrated Diwali 

even once 

you know 

that Diwali does not know darkness

It knows laughter 

converting a new moon night into light 

And heralding the start of a new year. 

If you do not know this 

then you have not 

celebrated Diwali 

loved

or even, played with the fairies. 

And then, my friend, 

you have lived 

a little less. 

Bujharat / Paheli

This is a short poem from the heart of a newly wed bride, who doesn't know how to get alone time with her husband in a full household. (Image by Bing AI. Not the best. But not too bad. )

इक बुझारत लिखां 

कल्ले होण बारे 

लौडे वेले, मोमबत्तियाँ बाल के बैन 

सारे घर वाले 

बुझारत बुझन 

हल की? 

तू। 

********** 

एक पहेली लिखूँ 

एकाकीपन पर 

शाम होने पर 

घर के सब लोग 

रोज़ की तरह 

एक दूसरे से पूछें 

पहेलियाँ 

मेरी पहेली भी आए 

और उसका हल भी कोई सुझाए 

- तू। 

************ 

पंजाब में रात को समय बिताने के लिए एक दूसरे से पहेलियाँ बूझी जाती थी, चुटकुले सुनाए जाते थे, और किस्से भी। 

कविता उस practice पर आधारित है 

In Punjab, after sundown, to kill time, families used to sit in the courtyard and share jokes, riddles, etc. 

This is the practice referenced in the Punjabi original. The Hindi version has some explanation. The English translation would be inadequate, but here goes an effort: 

Let me make up 

a riddle about 

loneliness. 

Every evening, as the family gathers around

to share jokes and riddles 

let them ask 

my riddle too. 

And let someone 

figure out the answer: 

You. 

********** 

Six Couplets on death by Michael Blumenthal

Most things won't happen, Larkin said,

But this one will: We will be dead.

The saddest thing, in each context,

Is knowing that we could be next.

Some take the bus, some take the train,

Some die in sleep, the rest in pain

But of one thing we can be sure:

All die imperfect, each impure

Some wishing that they had been better,

Others worse, but no one deader.

Shoes left, like Buddhists, at the door:

Those won't be needed anymore.

- Thanks to Mohit for sharing this on the poetry group.

The doctor joke

Patient:  Doctor, my legs cramp up suddenly for no reason. A few times a month. No pattern, no trigger. Just a sudden leg cramp that goes away on its own after about 10 minutes. 

Doctor: Ok, let me run some tests. 

A week later: 

Patient: Well? 

Doctor: Oh, those tests came out clean. Let me run some more tests. 

A month later: 

Doctor: You have ILCS. 

Patient: What's that? 

Doctor: Idiopathic Leg Cramp Syndrome. 

Patient: What does that mean? 

Doctor: It means you have leg cramps, and we have no clue why. 

********** 

Today's meditation message

Today, I got a strange message in meditation. 

हम प्रेम और शक्ति को विरोधाभासी समझते हैं। जहां प्रेम है, वहाँ शक्ति का क्या प्रयोजन, और जहां शक्ति प्रदर्शन है, वहाँ प्रेम कैसे हो सकता है? वैसे ही जैसे हम सरस्वती और लक्ष्मी को विरोधाभासी समझते हैं। 

पर ऐसा है नहीं। कमज़ोर व्यक्ति प्रेम नहीं कर सकता। वह प्रेम की कामना कर सकता है, प्रेम का भ्रम भी पाल सकता है। पर प्रेम करने, और पाने के लिए मनोबल और सक्षमता दोनों चाहिए। कमज़ोर व्यक्ति के पास दोनों नहीं है। 

कमज़ोर व्यक्ति प्रेम नहीं पा सकता। प्रेम पाने के लिए हृदय और जीवन में स्थान आवश्यक है। वह स्थान बनाने के लिए अपने जीवन पर उतना नियंत्रण होना चाहिए। समुद्र के सतह पर तैरता लोटा अपनी इच्छा से एक बूंद पानी भी ग्रहण नहीं कर सकता। उसी प्रकार कमज़ोर व्यक्ति प्रेम से घिरा होने पर भी, उससे वंचित रह सकता है। 

इसलिए, शक्ति और प्रेम विरोधाभासी नहीं, एक दूसरे के लिए आवश्यक हैं। एक दूसरे के पूरक हैं। प्रेम शक्ति के बिना नहीं पाया जा सकता, और शक्ति प्रेम के बिना बेमानी है। 

We are not headed towards WW3. We are IN world war 3. 

If the rockets have not landed in our courtyards yet, it is because this is India. 

US, which has stayed on the sidelines for over a year on the Ukraine war, ordered direct hits into Syria. 

The UN is among the best paymasters in the world. 

What are those big fat salaries used for in the event of an actual war? 

To pass resolutions.