On poverty - I

I am going to get brickbats for this one. 

Recently, i was at a railway station. India now has brilliant public infrastructure. The railway station was no exception. 

We have to climb stairs to reach platforms. At least 5 people walking in front of me spat or littered on their way to the platform. Without a care. 

And that anger led to a tsunami of processing data points that have been silently accumulated over decades. 

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In 1947, Muslims from India reached Pakistan but instead of being welcomed, they were labelled Muhajirs. 

Hindus and Sikhs who managed to reach India alive were rich in their towns and villages (you had to be rich enough to pay for safe passage and reach this side alive, that is why every Punjabi in Delhi had grandparents who spoke about being wealthy. They were), but were put here in refugee camps in squalor, food itself being a luxury doled out at infrequent intervals. 

But, in 2004, the president of Pakistan was a Muhajir, and the Prime Minister of India was a refugee. 

They were not exceptional - on both sides of the border, the communities of these "refugees" had done well financially. 

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In the 1960s -1970s India, lakhs of young men and women left homes for PSU jobs, govt jobs, IIT education, IIM education. They went on to reach "escape velocity" from poverty. 

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When we speak about poverty, we address it as a single story - poverty is a result of circumstances out of an individual's control. It is a result of the evil capitalistic/oligarchic/regal system, which rely/ies on suppressing the poor for the benefit of the rich. 

Here is what is wrong with that single story: 

1. First of all, there ISN'T a single story of poverty. Poverty is a multi-headed hydra. There isn't a single cause of poverty. 

2. The narrative of capitalism/oligarchy/monarchy being solely responsible for poverty comes from socio-economic structures that truly did not have space for what is now called the "middle classes" - people who fill the middle role through education or specialised skill. In India, which was a mercantile civilisation from the start, trade was a good way to reach the middle class and this class has been a ubiquitous feature of our civilisation. 

3. There are people who exit poverty and take their families along. There are people who exit but do not take the family along. And then there are families that stay in the same loop - generation after generation. And families that enter the loop - from one of the "upper" classes. We know what helps those who reach escape velocity - education, enterprise, opportunity, community, etc. We never ask - what, if anything, is common to families that remain poor? Why is a poor person poor? 

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So, let's ask the question - Why is a poor person poor? 

And i call this, the Poverty mindset. 

More in the next post. 

I am aware of my spiritual potential but not ready to live that truth. 

I take baby steps and my meditation waits. :) In a really really long existence, a few decades to accept one's spiritual place is not a catastrophe. Slows down the soul, yes, but not a catastrophe. The only casualty are the ppl who know they belong in ur journey, but you don't know that yet. 

Sometimes, your meditation deliberately derails you, like its having its fun with you. Maya. 

2 thoughts on relationships

 1. 

The currency of a relationship is not money, address, or education. It is how well two people communicate, how valued they make each other feel - communication, respect, love, passion, chemistry? 

With age, the relative importance of biodata elements like money, title, education etc. reduces even more. Now all we need is someone to sit with, someone to talk to, and someone to trust/lean on. 

In youth, what is important is - will this person stand up for you? Will they support or criticise you when you fail, or lose a job, or hit a wall? Will they lend a hand in the backbreaking work of raising a family while managing finances, relatives, expectations? Or will they stand on the side and guilt trip you? 

Yet, we continue to evaluate potential partners on currencies that are not completely valid. Educational compatibility is a good indicator of some other things - like a non medico may not understand the idea of 36 hour shifts. But it can lead to false positives and false negatives - not all medicos will get it, and its not that only medicos will get it. They may not have lived 36 hour shifts, but they see you do them and see you come home exhausted. 

2. In offices, when doing DEI trainings, we almost always present a variant of this picture: 

Yet, when talking to our partners, we expect equality - I value honesty, so I must offer honesty. I value time spent together doing things, so I must offer to do things my partner enjoys, even if I dont like them that much. 

But quid pro quo rarely works. Love your partner the way they want to be loved, not the way you want to love. And ask to be loved in a way that works for you. 

In a relationship, equity means - the ability to love the way your partner wants, and the security to ask to be loved in the way your heart desires. 

To borrow from St. Francis of Assisi: 

To be understood, as to understand. 

Chemistry Lesson

Electrons 

are lighter 

than protons. 

And they circulate on the periphery - never 

at the center of things. 

Negativity can be preponderous 

Not significant. 

Err on the side of caution, but throwing caution to the winds

Preface: Bulle Shah wrote: 

ज़हर वेख के पीता, ते की पीता
इश्क सोच के कीता, ते की कीता
दिल देके, दिल लेन दी आस रखी

वे बुल्ले्या प्यार इहो जिया कीता, ते की कीता?

AND this: 

नी मैं कमली यार दी कमली 

राँझा राँझा करदी नी मैं आपे राँझा होई 

सद्दो नी मैनू दीदो राँझा हीर न आखो कोई 

 i wrote this with some reference to the lines above: 

बिन सोच दा चा वे सजना 

या ते बुल्ला, या कोई कमला 

ते जेड़ा कर लैसी, 

सो कमला थी जासी - 

- न कुज खट्टे, न कुज पल्ले। 

दाना बनके कमला होईं । 

ਬਿਨੁ ਸੋਚ ਦਾ ਚਾਹ ਵੇ ਸੱਜਣਾ 

ਯਾ ਤੇ ਬੁੱਲ਼੍ਆ, ਯਾ ਕੋਈ ਕਮਲਾ 

ਯਾ ਜੇਡਾ ਕਰ ਲਾਇਸੀ

ਸੋ ਕਮਲਾ ਧੀ ਜਾਸੀ 

ਨ ਕੁਜ ਖੱਟੇ, ਨ ਕੁਜ ਪੱਲੇ। 

ਦਾਣਾ ਬਣ ਕੇ ਕਮਲਾ ਹੋਈਂ। 

The same thing in Hindi: 

परिमाण = proportion   

परिमाण में प्रेम करना 

प्रेम में 

परिमाण रखना 

बेतहाशा चाहने से 

बेहिसी ही मिलती है 

In English 

Love 

Proportionately 

Keep proportion in love 

Loving like crazy 

usually works out 

exactly that way. 

 

तुम्हारे लिए रास्ता था 

तुम्हें गुज़रना था 

मेरे लिए घर था 

मुझे ठहर जाना था। 

#हमारारिश्ता 

Only accounting students will get this

बहुत प्रेम करता हूँ तुमसे 

थोड़ा सा प्रेम, तुम भी कर लो मुझ से  

अगर कर सको तो। 

नहीं  कर पाओ तो 

कोई बात नहीं 

प्रेम बहता रहेगा 

मुझ से तुम तक 

तुम्हारी खैर की दुआओं में 

तुम्हारे जन्मदिन की पूजाओं में 

अंत में 

Balance हो जाते हैं 

सभी खाते 

और कुछ नहीं तो 

balance carried forward से। 

The malleability of pain

पीड़ा का अपना कोई पदार्थ या भार नहीं होता। 

वह जिस हाथ में होती है, उसके आधार पर उसका पदार्थ और भार निर्धारित हो जाता है। 

मेरे हाथ में रखी मेरी पीड़ा युरेनीअम की होती है - बहुत, बहुत भारी, और बहुत, बहुत विरली, rare, दुनिया में सबसे अलग। 

किसी मित्र के हाथ में जा कर, सोने की हो जाती है - कीमती, युरेनीअम से कम भारी, थोड़ी सी कम rare, पर अब भी असाधारण। 

प्रेम के हाथ में पड़ते ही, मोती बन जाती है। वह देख पाता है, वह सारी पीड़ा, जो इस पीड़ा से भी पहले सही गई। उसके हाथों में, दुख भी सुंदर हो जाता है। 

रिश्तेदारों के हाथ में अपनी पीड़ा हो जाती है ऊन की गेंद - एक बहुत आम सी, रोजमर्रा की चीज़, जिस से या तो कहानियाँ बुनी जा सकती हैं, या जिसे फरोल-फरोल कर उस से खेला जा सकता है  - अगला खिलौना मिलने तक। 

और किसी बेकदरे के हाथ में, पीड़ा बन जाती है कमरे के कोने की धूल - जिसे केवल अनदेखा किया जाना चाहिए। जिस पर हाथ भी नहीं फेरना चाहिए। न वज़न रह जाता है, न मोल। केवल उपेक्षा। 

Katran: Prem

 

प्यार न, swimming pool के जैसा होता है। लगता है, इतना सा तो पानी है, वो तो रही ज़मीन। इस में तो आराम से सीधे खड़े हो जाएंगे। गहराई कहाँ है?

फिर हम  उस में पैर रखते हैं और गोता खाने लगते हैं। तब सच्चाई समझ में आती है। इस तरण ताल में, किसी को तैरना नहीं आता। क्यूंकि तुम कितने भी पारंगत खिलाड़ी रहे हो, ये तरण ताल हमेशा उस से ज़्यादा गहरा निकलता है।

और इसे नियति समझने वाले?