Evolution of Work Friendships

Good morning.  

How was your weekend? 

Here, have this. I got this from home. 

Come come, birthday party in canteen.  

Wow, you love books too? 

We're going dancing/drinking/biking/birdwatching/walking/.... coming? 

Why are you upset? Come, let's get chai 

Chai peeni hai? 

Chai? 

Chal. 

Aaj mere ghar. 

One-sided love

लाल-लाल डोरों वाली आँखें 

जो सदा चुराई जाएँ 

मुंह खुले तो न सांस निकले

ना बोल 

और आँसू? 

भादों की बरसात से 

 

मन 

बावरा 

और दिमाग? 

गाफ़िल 

  

अभी-अभी 

अचानक अहसास हुआ कि 

तुम से मिलने तक 

एकतरफा इश्क 

कभी हुआ ही नहीं था मुझको 

Eyes

red from weeping  

and blank 

from wondering. 

Lips 

that neither sigh nor part 

A heart 

that holds too much 

and a head that holds 

Nothing. 

You, darling, are my first 

one-sided love 

A rite of passage 

Belated, but not 

beleaguered. 

Eventually 

All seasons come. 

This one did, too. 

This poem was co-created while discussing unrequited love with a friend who started off as a colleague. 

Leading to the creation of a meme and another post for this blog. :) 

Katran: TTT

So, you were in a relationship earlier? 

Three. None of them lasted more than 6 months. 

Why? Why didn't they work out? 

....

I want to know so I don't make any of the mistakes that those people made. 

What does the term "A procession of uncles" mean?

In Childhood Sexual Abuse, this term refers to multiple men, either close friends of the family or close relatives or other frequent visitors to the house, who abused a child over their growing years. 

The term is typically used by survivors who did not have access to adult care that would stop this ongoing, recurrent abuse. 

There used to be an Indian blog where Indian survivors shared their stories of CSA. I learnt this term on that blog. Unfortunately, I cannot find that blog anymore. Now, just institutional resources. 

So, if you are out there, looking for something to resonate with your CSA experience, this one comes from the survivors. And I am truly, really sorry that the CSA Awareness blog was deleted and the other blog is no longer indexed by search engines. 

Bangles

Bangles 

A woman's voice 

when her lips are silent. 

They can tinkle softly, 

like gentle laughter 

or crash 

like a shriek 

Or walk away 

without a backward glance. 

Notes from Meditation

This love that we experience in the non-physical state is so unconditional, pure, and healing. It surrounds us in our existence. 

But when we have a physical body, this love is so rare to experience. We experience thousands of other emotions (which we struggle to experience in the spirit state), but not this love. Why? It is this love that helps us heal, this love that helps us connect with others. Why is it so rare in the physical births? 

When we get it, we get it during NDE (Near Death Experience) or in a meditative state, or in a spiritual exercise or experience. But it should be a part of our day to day interactions. Millions of micro interactions among living spirits, involving an exchange of THIS love. I want to make that happen. 

This love is not something to be experienced lightly. We take physical birth to learn lessons. Only those who make the effort to connect with their divine self during a physical birth, get to experience this love. It won't be right to give this love in micro exchanges of every day. 

But it will be! I want to do it! I want to touch everyone with this love. When they meet me, when they talk to me, they should experience this energy. When we give it in a spiritual experience, we also, unknowingly, create a boundary or a limit around it. But that love is the core of our spiritual existence. It is who we are. The more we experience it, the easier it is for everyone to have a better physical experience. It should be possible for people to experience this love in their everyday transactions. 

This will give your physical birth a lot of pain. Because you know people don't reciprocate. You will be forced to absorb their.... You will be in pain. All the time.

Will I live unhappy? 

Yes. 

Will I die happy? 

I think so. 

Then I want to do it. 

Its not wise at all. There are other things that you can do in an Earth birth. You can guide people to their spiritual state. You can awaken some souls. 

No. I want to do the opposite of that. I want to REMOVE the limit of spirituality around that experience. 

You will not be able to teach or guide. You will not be known for your spiritual practice. You will live a life that is different from your abilities. You will feel frustrated at not being able to do the things that you used to be able to do easily even in previous earth births. 

Yes. 

********** 

And that, apparently, is how I took this birth. 

PS: This particular session is recorded. I will probably update this post after listening to that session again. 

The one line that haunts me.

Sea, i'll never forgive you even if you touch my feet a thousand times.

- a 5 year old survivor of the tsunami who lost both parents in the event.

एक प्रेम कथा

ये उस समय की बात है जब तुम और मैं छोटे-छोटे प्रकाश के कण थे। 

प्रकाश पुंज नहीं, सितारे-उल्का तो बिल्कुल भी नहीं। सृष्टि के चेतन होने से पहले के वे प्रकाश कण, जो किसी अदृश्य धुरी के गिर्द चक्कर लगाते थे। 

हमारी नन्ही सी अर्ध-चेतना थी। न उसका कोई व्यक्तित्व था, न उसमें थी निजता। 

हमें एक दूसरे में विलीन होना था, और एक हो जाना था। 

 

चेतना की यात्रा में, विलीनता का आदेश बहुत विरला होता है। दो आत्माएँ साथ-साथ चल सकती हैं, कुछ आदान-प्रदान भी करती हैं, पर विलीनता विलक्षण ही होती है। ये कितना अद्भुत, कितना स्पेशल पल है, हमें इसका ज़रा भी अनुमान न हुआ।   

जाने किस अभिमान में आ कर, हम  दो प्रकाश कणों ने, एक दूसरे में विलीन होने का आदेश ठुकरा दिया। 

तुम और मैं, उस आदेश से बचते, जन्म पर जन्म लेते गए। कुछ एक दूसरे की परिधि में, कुछ उस से बहुत दूर। 

हम शायद प्रकाश कण से चेतन प्राणी बने होंगे, मछली, बगुला, शेर, और बहुत लंबा सफर तय करने के बाद, मानव। 

किन्तु पराचेतना का आदेश केवल आदेश नहीं होता। वह नियति होता है। 

नश्वर जगत के लोग समय को मापते हैं - क्षणों से ले कर सदियों तक। उसी मानक पर समझाऊँ तो, पराचेतना का आदेश वह नियति है जो स्वरूप और सदियों के ऊपर है। उसे आपका यथार्थ बनना ही होता है। आपकी स्वेच्छा पूर्णतया वैकल्पिक है। उसकी इच्छा अनिवार्यता। 

अब हम, फिर से एक दूसरे के सामने हैं। एक ही कमरे में, पर एक दूसरे से कई संसारों की दूरी पर। तुम्हारा भेस, ज़ुबान, देश  - सब अलग हैं। पर इस एक कमरे में, मेरी अर्ध-चेतना ने तुम्हें पहचान लिया है। तुम में विलीन होना मेरी नियति है। मुझ में विलीन होना तुम्हारी। 

अब देखो, तुम्हें समझने में कितना समय लगता है। 

 

माचिस की डिब्बियों जैसे घर

माचिस की डिब्बियों जैसे घरों में 

माचिस की तीलियों जैसे लोग 

एक बार भेजा गरम हुआ तो 

सारा वजूद जल कर राख हो सकता है। 

पर ये लोग 

कुछ पसीने में तर

कुछ शराब में 

वो क्या कहा था गुलज़ार ने? 

सीली तीलियों में आग नहीं लगती*। 

* माचिस फिल्म में एक dialog 

Matchbox houses 

Housing 

Matchstick people 

If the head gets too hot 

everything burns up 

But these people

Some, soaked in sweat 

Others, drowned in drink 

What is it that Gulzar once said? 

Moist matchheads do not catch fire.