The Poverty Mindset (On Poverty - II)

This is the second part. The first part of the post is here. 

So, in doing some fieldwork, I have noticed a few things that ARE common to families that either remain in poverty, or enter poverty from a more affluent class. 

The Victim Mindset and...

This is the TOP common denominator. EVERYONE who remains in poverty has expressed deep anguish at being wronged - the agent of wrongdoing varies - the state, the community, the world, the family. But they are ALL victims. They have been wronged by the world. 

BUT not everyone who has a victim mindset remains poor. There is one more factor which has to be added to the mix - they truly believe that the wrong must be recompensed before they can do anything. I call this the victimhood paralysis - they find that they are unable/unwilling to act until the wrong done to them has been "corrected" or they have been somehow compensated. 

Entitlement

The second common factor is - they feel entitled to abuse - public infrastructure, other people. I stop people who are spitting and ask them - Why did you spit here? 

Some of them express surface level remorse. Only a few stop to really think. Most of them look at me like i am an alien. To them, defacing public property is the most natural thing to do. Their answer is the same as Hillary's answer to "Why climb a mountain?" - Because it is there!

And then I notice that in my most underprivileged contacts, the same mindset extends to people. They do not feel bad about abusing their network for short term gain, then wonder why they have "no friends" and why "no one supports them" 

Maybe there are more factors. But this is what I know so far. Every time I meet someone underprivileged, I ask "Why is this family poor?" (Because poverty is not an individual phenomenon. One is not poor alone. The lowest unit of poverty is the family. If one person gets out of poverty, they may get out alone. But if one person in the family becomes poor, the whole immediate family definitely follows suit.) 

On exodus

The exodus is rarely quick or en masse. Some people leave first - the ones who can see the shape of things to come. They make arrangements quietly, perhaps move the family first, and then move - lock, stock, and barrel. 

Then, some perceptive relatives and friends start asking themselves the same question - is this daily hate worth it? 

Then, the waves begin. 

The only ones who remain are the ones who do not have a choice. 

This is true of all types of exodus: 

A. Before partition, when the writing was on the wall but patriotism and Congress had made us blind. (And then, in Syria, Lebanon, etc.) 

B. When a country (or, in case of India, a state) runs anti-immigration campaigns 

C. When a company is doing layoffs. 

The conversation was not about politics. It was about why I was watching Filmfare and not National Film Awards, back in 1999. 

"Both the National Film Awards and the Padma awards were such a joke back then - only for political patronage. No one even read who got these awards. We only followed Filmfare awards. Now I really want to know the work done by Padma awardees because they are real changemakers. But back then we would not even read them for quizzes." 

.. And i paused.

We have gotten so used to living in an India where progress happens, that we have forgotten what India felt like before 2014. Of course, Cockroach Party reminds us once in a while, as do "public" protests. But in general, the experience of India has changed so much that its hard to remember what we lived through. 

Perhaps it is time to take a minute to appreciate how far we have come, India. 

On poverty - I

I am going to get brickbats for this one. 

Recently, i was at a railway station. India now has brilliant public infrastructure. The railway station was no exception. 

We have to climb stairs to reach platforms. At least 5 people walking in front of me spat or littered on their way to the platform. Without a care. 

And that anger led to a tsunami of processing data points that have been silently accumulated over decades. 

********** 

In 1947, Muslims from India reached Pakistan but instead of being welcomed, they were labelled Muhajirs. 

Hindus and Sikhs who managed to reach India alive were rich in their towns and villages (you had to be rich enough to pay for safe passage and reach this side alive, that is why every Punjabi in Delhi had grandparents who spoke about being wealthy. They were), but were put here in refugee camps in squalor, food itself being a luxury doled out at infrequent intervals. 

But, in 2004, the president of Pakistan was a Muhajir, and the Prime Minister of India was a refugee. 

They were not exceptional - on both sides of the border, the communities of these "refugees" had done well financially. 

********** 

In the 1960s -1970s India, lakhs of young men and women left homes for PSU jobs, govt jobs, IIT education, IIM education. They went on to reach "escape velocity" from poverty. 

********* 

When we speak about poverty, we address it as a single story - poverty is a result of circumstances out of an individual's control. It is a result of the evil capitalistic/oligarchic/regal system, which rely/ies on suppressing the poor for the benefit of the rich. 

Here is what is wrong with that single story: 

1. There ISN'T a single story of poverty. Poverty is a multi-headed hydra. There isn't a single cause of poverty. 

2. The narrative of capitalism/oligarchy/monarchy being solely responsible for poverty comes from socio-economic structures that truly did not have space for what is now called the "middle classes" - people who fill the middle role through education or specialised skill. In India, which was a mercantile civilisation from the start, trade was a good way to reach the middle class and this class has been a ubiquitous feature of our civilisation. 

3. There are people who exit poverty and take their families along. There are people who exit but do not take the family along. And then there are families that stay in the same loop - generation after generation. And families that enter the loop - from one of the "upper" classes. We know what helps those who reach escape velocity - education, enterprise, opportunity, community, etc. We never ask - what, if anything, is common to families that remain poor? Why is a poor person poor? 

************** 

So, let's ask the question - Why is a poor person poor? 

And i call this, the Poverty mindset. 

More in the next post. 

I am aware of my spiritual potential but not ready to live that truth. 

I take baby steps and my meditation waits. :) In a really really long existence, a few decades to accept one's spiritual place is not a catastrophe. Slows down the soul, yes, but not a catastrophe. The only casualty are the ppl who know they belong in ur journey, but you don't know that yet. 

Sometimes, your meditation deliberately derails you, like its having its fun with you. Maya. 

2 thoughts on relationships

 1. 

The currency of a relationship is not money, address, or education. It is how well two people communicate, how valued they make each other feel - communication, respect, love, passion, chemistry? 

With age, the relative importance of biodata elements like money, title, education etc. reduces even more. Now all we need is someone to sit with, someone to talk to, and someone to trust/lean on. 

In youth, what is important is - will this person stand up for you? Will they support or criticise you when you fail, or lose a job, or hit a wall? Will they lend a hand in the backbreaking work of raising a family while managing finances, relatives, expectations? Or will they stand on the side and guilt trip you? 

Yet, we continue to evaluate potential partners on currencies that are not completely valid. Educational compatibility is a good indicator of some other things - like a non medico may not understand the idea of 36 hour shifts. But it can lead to false positives and false negatives - not all medicos will get it, and its not that only medicos will get it. They may not have lived 36 hour shifts, but they see you do them and see you come home exhausted. 

2. In offices, when doing DEI trainings, we almost always present a variant of this picture: 

Yet, when talking to our partners, we expect equality - I value honesty, so I must offer honesty. I value time spent together doing things, so I must offer to do things my partner enjoys, even if I dont like them that much. 

But quid pro quo rarely works. Love your partner the way they want to be loved, not the way you want to love. And ask to be loved in a way that works for you. 

In a relationship, equity means - the ability to love the way your partner wants, and the security to ask to be loved in the way your heart desires. 

To borrow from St. Francis of Assisi: 

To be understood, as to understand. 

Chemistry Lesson

Electrons 

are lighter 

than protons. 

And they circulate on the periphery - never 

at the center of things. 

Negativity can be preponderous 

Not significant. 

Err on the side of caution, but throwing caution to the winds

Preface: Bulle Shah wrote: 

ज़हर वेख के पीता, ते की पीता
इश्क सोच के कीता, ते की कीता
दिल देके, दिल लेन दी आस रखी

वे बुल्ले्या प्यार इहो जिया कीता, ते की कीता?

AND this: 

नी मैं कमली यार दी कमली 

राँझा राँझा करदी नी मैं आपे राँझा होई 

सद्दो नी मैनू दीदो राँझा हीर न आखो कोई 

 i wrote this with some reference to the lines above: 

बिन सोच दा चा वे सजना 

या ते बुल्ला, या कोई कमला 

ते जेड़ा कर लैसी, 

सो कमला थी जासी - 

- न कुज खट्टे, न कुज पल्ले। 

दाना बनके कमला होईं । 

ਬਿਨੁ ਸੋਚ ਦਾ ਚਾਹ ਵੇ ਸੱਜਣਾ 

ਯਾ ਤੇ ਬੁੱਲ਼੍ਆ, ਯਾ ਕੋਈ ਕਮਲਾ 

ਯਾ ਜੇਡਾ ਕਰ ਲਾਇਸੀ

ਸੋ ਕਮਲਾ ਧੀ ਜਾਸੀ 

ਨ ਕੁਜ ਖੱਟੇ, ਨ ਕੁਜ ਪੱਲੇ। 

ਦਾਣਾ ਬਣ ਕੇ ਕਮਲਾ ਹੋਈਂ। 

The same thing in Hindi: 

परिमाण = proportion   

परिमाण में प्रेम करना 

प्रेम में 

परिमाण रखना 

बेतहाशा चाहने से 

बेहिसी ही मिलती है 

In English 

Love 

Proportionately 

Keep proportion in love 

Loving like crazy 

usually works out 

exactly that way. 

 

तुम्हारे लिए रास्ता था 

तुम्हें गुज़रना था 

मेरे लिए घर था 

मुझे ठहर जाना था। 

#हमारारिश्ता