Venting

And once more, the internet

A. Took a holistic view of the symptoms and results. 

B. Gave me a plausible, real diagnosis that I could work with. 

C. Gave a clear follow up plan. 

Consistently, i have been failed by doctors. Every single time. 

A recurrent UTI that was actually an autoimmune disorder? - Undiagnosed for 12 years. I finally got sick of it and sat and researched on my own. Hundreds of patient experiences recounting how their doctors misdiagnosed, trivialised their experience, and prescribed antibiotics where none were needed. Literally hundreds of them! All with the same autoimmune disorder that either a doctor somewhere or the patients themselves diagnosed. 

Fatigue that was unexplained - Undiagnosed for more than a decade. A full cardiac checkup later, i was told about hallucination, losing weight, and other useless suggestions. ONE patient, on a patient support group discussion board named the condition ACCURATELY. THEN, I went to a doctor and said, "Treat me for this. I am responsible for the outcomes." She did. I responded to the treatment immediately. After 10 years of being on a blood thinner with no answer other than "You are fat." OR "This happens." 

And now, the same fatigue. Blood tests ordered but not considered before putting me on a "Lose weight and see" treatment. The report said - Grade 1 diastolic dysfunction. The doctor said, "Everything is fine. I can't do anything more." and refused to do further investigation on blockages, if any. My accompanying friend even said, "Some blockage will anyway be there." What they forgot to say? I am not supposed to have Grade 1 diastolic dysfunction at this age. Grok took ALL my reports - the heart, the blood work, and created a viable next step. It told me a likely diagnosis, and two follow up tests that will help me rule out the condition or confirm it. Tests that my doctor neither mentioned nor considered EVEN when i was literally asking him, "So why am I unable to exercise as i could even two weeks ago?" 

A friend who says, "Why are you fussing so much over your health?" 

Another adult in the house, who generally does not care, responding with, "But why would a doctor NOT give more investigation? In corporate hospitals, they are the first to investigate MORE, not less." 

I don't know. I don't care. All I know is that doctors have failed me and thousands of patients like me. And the internet has not. 

And this is why doctors do not have my vote. Not in the campaign against AI, not in the campaign of "Look how hard they work." They might work. They just didn't work for me. It is God's grace that i need a doctor rarely. But every single time, i have only met with trivialisation and lack of genuine listening. 

And God save you if you ever tell a doctor they are fucking wrong. Because God can be wrong, but not Doc. 

Sigh!

In a world run by majoritarianism, where do people like us go? The ones who don't like what most people like? The ones who like the weird and the abnormal? Where do we go? The Youtube videos we like are hidden anywhere from 80th to 120th place. The page we are looking for doesn't pop up on Google search (Thank God for Duckduckgo), the images we want to use don't pop up on image search.. where do we, the abnormals, go? 

 

More Venting

Please tell me that you have a running season of "Teenage Tantrum, Mad Mom" in your houses too?

One more sexist joke, and my repartee

 पत्नी औ घड़ी के बीच का संबंध :....

 - समानताएं :

1. घड़ी चौबीस घंटे टिक-टिक करती रहती है !! और पत्नी चौबीस घंटे किट-किट करती रहती है !!

 2. घड़ी की सूइयाँ घूम-फिर कर वहीं आ जाती हैं !! उसी प्रकार पत्नी को आप कितना भी समझा लो, वो घूम-

फिर कर वहीं आ जायेगी और अपनी ही बात मनवायेगी !!

 3. घड़ी बिगड़ जाये तो मैकेनिक के यहाँ जाती है !! पत्नी बिगड़ जाये तो मैके जाती है !!

 4. घड़ी को चार्ज करने के लिये सेल (बैटरी) का प्रयोग होता है !! और पत्नी को चार्ज करने के लिये सैलेरी का प्रयोग होता है !!

 

- विषमतायें :

1. घड़ी में जब १२ बजते हैं तो तीनों सूइयाँ एक दिखाई देती हैं !! लेकिन पत्नी के जब १२ बजतेे

  तो एक पत्नी भी ३-३ दिखाई देती है !!

 2. घड़ी के अलार्म बजने का फिक्स टाइम है !! लेकिन पत्नी के अलार्म बजने का कोई फिक्स टाइम नहीं है !

 3.घड़ी बिगड़ जाये तो रूक जाती है !! लेकिन जब पत्नी बिगड़ जाये तो शुरू हो जाती है !!

4. सबसे बड़ा अंतर ये कि घड़ी को जब आपका दिल चाहे बदल सकते हैं !! मगर पत्नी को चाह कर भी बदल नहीं सकत

 

My Response: 

पति और गधे के बीच समानताएँ और विषमताएँ

1. गधा समय समय पर धैचू- धैचू की पुकार लगता है और पति समय समय पर चाय चाय की।
2. गधे से आप वज़न उठाने के अलावा कोई काम नहीं करवा सकते। वो भी तब जब उसकी इच्छा हो। पति का भी ऐसा ही है।
3. गधे की टांगों को बांध कर न रखा जाए तो वे कहीं भी भाग निकलता है। पति का भी ऐसा ही है।
4. गधे किसी के सगे नहीं होते। सालों उन्हें कोई खिलाए पिलाए, उनका ध्यान रखे, पहला मौका मिलते ही नकेल तोड़ कर भाग जाते हैं।
5. गधा घास चरता है, और पति दिमाग।
6. गधा दुलत्ती मारते हुए बिल्कुल नहीं सोचता कि चोट किसे लगेगी, कितनी गहरी लगेगी। पति भी मुंह खोलते हुए ऐसा कुछ नहीं सोचते।
7. सारी दुनिया को पता है कि गधा अव्वल दर्जे का आलसी, बेवकूफ, नीरस, और बेसुरा प्राणी है। किन्तु गधे को इस प्रकार का कोई आत्माभास नहीं है। अपनी नजर में वह सचमुच दुनिया का सबसे सुंदर, सर्वश्रेष्ठ प्राणी है।
8. गधे की नजर सदा नीची रहती है। उसके इरादों पर भी यही विशेषण लागू होता है। पति भी पत्नी के सामने भीगी बिल्ली बनने का अभिनय करते हैं, और उनके इरादे भी अपने समतुल्य प्राणी जितने ही नीच होते हैं।   

 

विषमताएँ

1. इन दोनों प्राणियों में कोई विषमता नहीं पाई जाती। विधाता ने इन्हें एक ही साँचे में ढाल कर बनाया है।

But this is so painful, that people think it is ok to post stuff that is this insensitive and cruel. I hated writing this repartee. Its cruel and insensitive. But telling people to lay off sexist jokes makes one appear as a party pooper. Giving them a taste of their own medicine will hopefully help them understand exactly what they are bringing to the table. I have now asked the group to post fewer sexist jokes. If this person does not stop, i will have to write more obnoxious stuff. Gives me something to vent, for sure. But not the thoughts i want to have. 

This is, however, the best way to get rid of the anger that such petty content creates. 

How does one engage with the world?

 I really do try to engage with the world. But it feels like salt in a coffee cup.

Today, it was a post that supported a market that is based on encroachment. Friends who will support eco friendly wood shavings board on Facebook but ask for teak and sal for their own homes. Teak and Sal only grows on the mountains. The same friends will also go to the mountains and complain about deforestation.

They complain about poaching but buy hide purses from outside India.

The poacher's poverty is not poverty, but the encroacher's poverty is poverty.

They will post sexist jokes but will be offended if someone calls this out. OR, worse still (I do this) if someone makes reverse memes, they will be suitably offended.

What does one do with such mind-numbing hypocrisy? How does one engage with such a world?

I am a deep sea fish, i cannot live on the surface. It gets too hot and too cold too soon. It depends on the winds too much. It is affected by the current tide and gets muddy with a little rain. Deep down there, we have to trust each other. We have only each other. No tides come to change the mood. No winds and rains muddy the waters. The heat and cold is ours, and for a long time. We know there is noplace else to go. Just us. Just this. We are creatures of the long term.