I am aware of my spiritual potential but not ready to live that truth. 

I take baby steps and my meditation waits. :) In a really really long existence, a few decades to accept one's spiritual place is not a catastrophe. Slows down the soul, yes, but not a catastrophe. The only casualty are the ppl who know they belong in ur journey, but you don't know that yet. 

Sometimes, your meditation deliberately derails you, like its having its fun with you. Maya.