1.
The currency of a relationship is not money, address, or education. It is how well two people communicate, how valued they make each other feel - communication, respect, love, passion, chemistry?
With age, the relative importance of biodata elements like money, title, education etc. reduces even more. Now all we need is someone to sit with, someone to talk to, and someone to trust/lean on.
In youth, what is important is - will this person stand up for you? Will they support or criticise you when you fail, or lose a job, or hit a wall? Will they lend a hand in the backbreaking work of raising a family while managing finances, relatives, expectations? Or will they stand on the side and guilt trip you?
Yet, we continue to evaluate potential partners on currencies that are not completely valid. Educational compatibility is a good indicator of some other things - like a non medico may not understand the idea of 36 hour shifts. But it can lead to false positives and false negatives - not all medicos will get it, and its not that only medicos will get it. They may not have lived 36 hour shifts, but they see you do them and see you come home exhausted.
2. In offices, when doing DEI trainings, we almost always present a variant of this picture:
Yet, when talking to our partners, we expect equality - I value honesty, so I must offer honesty. I value time spent together doing things, so I must offer to do things my partner enjoys, even if I dont like them that much.
But quid pro quo rarely works. Love your partner the way they want to be loved, not the way you want to love. And ask to be loved in a way that works for you.
In a relationship, equity means - the ability to love the way your partner wants, and the security to ask to be loved in the way your heart desires.
To borrow from St. Francis of Assisi:
To be understood, as to understand.
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