On social media, one encounters "No feminist please" more and more.
Something like this ad:
This got me thinking. What is it about trad wives that men want, and why are women not willing to be trad wives.
A good starting point, of course, was to just list what a traditional marriage looks like.
In a traditional Indian marriage:
What traditional Indian wives do:
1. Cook (with help)
2. Clean (oversee the help)
3. Raise kids (with support from other women in the house or family)
4. Ensure that all family celebrations are taken care of. Everyone has the gift that they deserve, all family equations are maintained.
5. Host visiting relatives.
6. Host friends of children.
7. Organise children's birthday parties.
8. Know the preferences of everyone in the family and ensure a fair balance between junk and healthy eating.
9. Socialise with their friends or relatives after sending the kids and husband to their respective school/office. OR take a nap.
10. Get up in the morning to ensure kids get to school, husband gets to work.
11. Settle the house at night before going to bed.
12. Give chai to the husband once he comes back from work.
13. Attend all family functions and perform the work expected. Ensuring that the function goes off smoothly, assisting mother in law or the eldest daughter in law in doing the function.
14. Teaching children all about our epics, our traditions, and performing the pooja in the family temple every day.
15. Never drink or smoke in public.
16. Manage the household and make the list of supplies that the husband must get every month from the ration shop.
17. Wear only Indian clothes in the house. (nightie exempted)
18. Touch the feet of visiting elders.
19. On all matters of finance, defer to the husband.
20. No work outside the house. Volunteer or something only when it doesn't interfere with family responsibilities.
21. Learn the traditions of the marital family and perpetuate them. This includes their food habits, their religious observance, their family celebrations, and the way they communicate with each other.
22. Bear children within 2 years of marriage.
What traditional Indian husbands do:
1. Be the sole breadwinner. Never taking a penny from the wife.
2. Give their salary to the wife at the start of each month for her to manage the family's finances.
3. Bring groceries on their way home from office.
4. After freshening up and drinking his chai, sit with the kids to complete their homework while the wife cooks dinner for the family.
5. Take wife along on all social events. Not being able to attend any social event without the wife.
6. Participate in all functions on the in-laws side.
7. During summers, when the wife visits her parents for a few weeks, go to drop her and then go to pick her up. Spending at least one night at the in-laws' place on both occasions.
8. Take wife, parents, and kids to the doctor whenever the need arises.
9. Perform routine repairs in the house or cause them to be done.
10. Touch parents' feet every morning and night if they are in a joint family.
11. Take wife and kids to an outing every Sunday, spending time with them and making memories.
12. Take family to the kids' PTM, annual day function, school picnic etc. Drop the children and pick them up.
13. Buy the monthly ration based on the list given by Shri mati ji.
14. On all matters of how the house will be run, what will be bought, what gifts will be given, and how the house will be decorated, defer to the wife.
15. Be home straight after office, no hobnobbing with male friends after work, and no working late into the night.
16. No speaking to any bhabhiji without the wife being present. Absolutely no calls or messages from female colleagues on one's phone.
17. With or without kids, never reaching home drunk. Ever.
18. Gifting wife a piece of gold jewelry at all important occasions like birthday and anniversary.
19. Making financial and investment decisions for the family's secure future.
20. Ensuring that all family poojas are conducted by the couple jointly, as mandated by Hinduism (and most Indic religions).
21. Have children within 2 years of marriage.
Notice something?
Many of the duties of a trad husband do not get done at all.
The things on the wife's plate are more or less exactly as they were.
Many things from the husband's plate are now on the wife's plate.
2 lessons for me here:
1. I understand why women are turning "feminist"
2. When men ask for trad wives, are they also ready to be trad husbands? Because that is how that system works.
What do you think?
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