Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Happy Women's Day

This is the Email that I sent out on Women's Day. :-) Storing it for posterity. Laugh Away!

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.- Remy de Gourmant (French writer)

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.- H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956)
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?- Carrie Snow

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb…and I also know that I'm not blonde.- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.- Erica Jong
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.- Sue Grafton
I think-therefore I'm single.- Lizz Winstead
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.- Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.- Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.- Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.- Gloria Steinem

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?- Linda Ellerbee

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."- Oscar Wilde

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back."- Al Bundy

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."- David Bissonette

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."- Johnny Carson

"If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry."- Chekhov

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."- Aldous Huxley
"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."- Woody Allen
"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either."- Joseph Fischer
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer."- Swami X
"The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind."- Anonymous

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."- Phyllis Diller

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."-Zsa Zsa Gabor
"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can."- Margo Kaufman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."- Sam Kinison
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."- Groucho Marxv
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."- Jackie Mason
"When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living."- Helen Rowland
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"- Rita Rudner
"We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him."- Shelley Winters
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."- Carol Leifer
"A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business."- Shelley Berman
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."- Elayne Boosler


dEEPs said...

OMG !!
Are these all true ?
M still Un-Insured(Unmarried) so i will keep my mouth shut..:P

nice collection!!

Dawn....सेहर said...

wow...hilarious I Must say!
Didnt know July 1st is Women's DAy!

I wish the best for the women :)
Nice way of craking bones

ishqia said...

odd... what all people think..

Mampi said...

Great collection KJMK. Enjoyed every single one of them. Thanks for saving your email and thanks for sharing it with us.
BY THE WAY, where is the 'I'- tag???

dwaipayan said...

nice collection!!!!!!!!!

adi said...

oye howdy! what is that
is it the marriage anniversary blues ;)

Impulsively Me said...

Absolute fun :D


Sach said...

Interesting collection! Good you shared it with us...I can never imagine something like these...

dharmabum said...

hey hey, kisi ne kaha hai - shaadi ek laddu hai, jo khaaye, pachchtaye, jo nahin khaaye, woh bhi pachchtaye :P

happy women's day :)

PS: the picture / poster is absolutely hilarious - simple takes the cake :)

How do we know said...

Hi deeps: True or not, me no knows.. but these are opinions all right! :-) Enjoy the freedom while u can.

Hi Dawn: Nah, not 1st July. I sent this on the real women's day, am just posting it here today:-)

Hi ishquia: :-)

Hi mampi: The i Tag is coming up.. i m a very boring person so the personal tags will not be so interesting! :-)

Hi dwaiyapan: Thanks.

hi Adi: Just that i loved the suddenness of that one liner best. Too cool!

Hi impulsively me and sach: Thanks!!

Hi Dharma: Thanks! Where have u been??

dharmabum said...

been lurking around, searching for inspiration :)

mathew said...

hilarious collection..though several shots at men..couldnt help laughing!!;-D

Ye manzilen !! said...

That was fun....I agree with Chekov...thanks

How do we know said...

Hi Dharma: Inspiration ... hmmm...

Hi Mathew: Am glad u found it funny.. and the potshots are at both ;-)

Hi ye manzilein: thank u!

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