The night girl and the day girl

At night, this new person rises in me. 

This person is not like my day person. 

My day person is someone who has made peace with the inequities of life. Who says that inequality and unfairness are not a bug, they are a feature of our world. 

The day person forgives and forgets people who treat her badly. She keeps a safe distance, but does not really ruminate over the bad things they did.  She does not want to give it back as good as she gets, and is very mindful of the fact that increasingly, everyone above the age of 30 days is always, always right. They can make no mistake and do no wrong. 

The day person is calm, laughs easily, swears, but only for fun. Sees someone treating another person badly and if she can't help it, looks the other way. 

The night person, is who the day person was before the age of.. maybe 20 or so. The night girl remembers one or two people each day who were mean to her. She then proceeds to give them the choicest galis, telling them all the things they did to hurt her, and how she chose peace over confrontation, because when has confrontation ever changed anyone's mind? 

The night person thinks of all the things that are wrong with the world and her life, and is enraged. She does not focus on the good things in life, on the blessings in life. The night person has no mercy for anyone who abuses their power just because they can. She wishes painful death upon the rich and mighty who mow down animals and humans in a drunken stupor. She reads updates on Mercedes and BMW Hit and Run cases. She hopes that every corrupt person would die choking on their ill-gotten wealth. She wishes instant karma upon every bully. 

The night person gets all brilliant ideas. She knows the day person will never get them. The day person just doesn't have the sharp brain that she has. So, some nights, she gives up on sleep, gets up at 4 am, and writes blog posts about those bright ideas. Then, she waits till morning and sends them to people. These people are usually amazed at how creative and incisive these ideas are. 

***** 

I want to tell the night girl, that there is no need to deny oneself. She does not need to hide and come out in the night. If she feels anger at the unfairness of life, she does not have to justify that anger to herself. There is no need for two separate people. The night girl is the real me. The day girl is also the real me. But I think that inequity - lack of fairness - people getting away with doing things to people, is something i just cannot make my peace with, even if I am the only person in the world who does not like it. 

If she wants to cry and sob well into the night for things that happened more than one to four decades ago, she should. There is no such thing as too much time to grieve. Especially because, at that time, and since then, she has been busy being strong. She does not need to be strong anymore. She can totally be this sap who cries easily and laughs at stupid jokes. She is safe, and she has worked hard to reach this safety - physically and financially. 

It is safe to come out at night. But it is also safe to come out in the day. It is ok to tell people off if they are being rude or inconsiderate. A relationship does not have to be based on inequality of respect. It cannot be. And a truly nice person would not be disrespectful or inconsiderate. If they are, then they do not value what matters to her and with them, she might find company, but will not find companionship. To steal an old cliche, better to be alone in that case. Friends who do not value you are really not friends. And friends who value you will take your feedback if you tell them that you found them rude or inconsiderate. 

Sigh! The night girl, when she comes out in the day, is going to make the day girl very very lonely. The day girl currently has quite a network of plastic placeholders. Looks like spring cleaning is in the air, even though we are moving towards fall (well, literally and figuratively).