On being friends

When we meet someone and think of being friends with them, we are probably moved by their talents, their wit, their conversations. 

Those are the wrong things to look at. As friends, that is not the only side we will get to see and deal with. 

Their successes will be a part of their story, yes. But as friends, we will also have to be there when the loves go wrong, when there is grief, betrayal, and sorrow. When you see someone and think of being friends with them, pay attention to their griefs, to the way they handle their sorrows, to whether you respond with empathy or disdain to their struggles. You are not going to be the guy that laughs at their jokes. You are going to be the guy who takes them for a drive when the tears won't stop. 

Do not choose your friends only for how they appear at parties, and whom they know. All that stuff, that's like confetti. It makes your hands all shiny but needs to be washed off as soon as the euphoria is over. Choose them also for how you respond to them instinctively. If you are drawn to them, do not worry about how distant or different the two of you are. Your souls know what they are doing. 

If you find friends using you, choose how much love you can give without resentment. When you start to feel resentment rather than love, at that point, and no later, you must stop. We cannot stop loving our friends, and for that reason, we must stop their taking from us as soon as we realise that they are in a loss making deal - respect is too heavy a price to pay for things and favours.