Honestly, I don't know how to start this post. Or why. What I am about to say is pretty explosive and is going to be very unpopular. But then, when have I ever said anything that is popular?
I am going to present and defend the radical notion that children are people - not "mini-me's" - full people. They are people with an ability to think. And they deserve respect.
When someone gets pregnant, in my circle, I hand calligraph and send them 2 posters - the first is this poem:
http://www.blinn.edu/socialscience/ldthomas/feldman/handouts/0801hand.htm
And the second is this:
http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html
Pay special attention to the second one, because this whole post is about that second poem.
"They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
They are with you, but they belong not to you. They come through you but not from you. Every single day, and every single time that we try to call them "our" children, it is time to remember that. We are channels, we are conduits and caretakers. But they are the children of destiny.
"You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
When my son was in Nursery, Mark Parkinson, the Director of the group of schools, stood on the podium and said, "60 percent of these children are going to be in professions that have not been imagined yet. Do not think that you can prepare them for the future." Look around you - standup comic, SEO, Information Security, Digital Marketing, Customer Experience Designer, Image Consultant, Graphic Designer - professions that were not imagined a decade ago and are the highest paying today. And the list of these professions only grows larger every day. We cannot prepare these children for their future because we have no idea what that future will look like. And that has always been the case.
So, now that we have established 2 basic things:
1. That we do not own our children.
2. That we are not equipped to "prepare" them for a future that we cannot understand or imagine
Let's move to the core of the idea of Respectful Parenting. (Next Post)
I am going to present and defend the radical notion that children are people - not "mini-me's" - full people. They are people with an ability to think. And they deserve respect.
When someone gets pregnant, in my circle, I hand calligraph and send them 2 posters - the first is this poem:
http://www.blinn.edu/socialscience/ldthomas/feldman/handouts/0801hand.htm
And the second is this:
http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html
Pay special attention to the second one, because this whole post is about that second poem.
"They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
They are with you, but they belong not to you. They come through you but not from you. Every single day, and every single time that we try to call them "our" children, it is time to remember that. We are channels, we are conduits and caretakers. But they are the children of destiny.
"You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
When my son was in Nursery, Mark Parkinson, the Director of the group of schools, stood on the podium and said, "60 percent of these children are going to be in professions that have not been imagined yet. Do not think that you can prepare them for the future." Look around you - standup comic, SEO, Information Security, Digital Marketing, Customer Experience Designer, Image Consultant, Graphic Designer - professions that were not imagined a decade ago and are the highest paying today. And the list of these professions only grows larger every day. We cannot prepare these children for their future because we have no idea what that future will look like. And that has always been the case.
So, now that we have established 2 basic things:
1. That we do not own our children.
2. That we are not equipped to "prepare" them for a future that we cannot understand or imagine
Let's move to the core of the idea of Respectful Parenting. (Next Post)
2 comments:
Very true.
Thank you Onkar sir. Please do share your thoughts on the second part of the post also.
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