The Freedom to BE

This post was actually written for my friend’s dauther, but in hindsight, I was able to learn much from it too.

Many of our children want to take paths that are, to put it mildly, “OFF the beaten path”. Some of them want to discontinue studies and travel the world. Many of them want to quit corporate careers and move to farming. As parents, obviously, our reactions range from quiet acceptance to being appalled. We’d like to blame “The times” , “Technology” or anything else that’s handy - like the white handkerchief that the mother always used to press into their hands as they left for school, or the said second cousin of the spouse who you “always knew” was a bad influence.

This post is for those children - and parents.

Dear Person (Because, as you know, I firmly believe in the right of the child to be recognised as an equal stakeholder in the world), you are FREE to make a decision about the future course of your life -both short term and long term.

But that decision must be taken from a place of freedom. Not from a place of slavery. Slavery is a strong word to use, but from where I stand, there is so much of it all around!

What does that even mean? Being free and taking a decision from place of freedom?

Here is what I think it means:

Freedom is not a linear thing. It is multi dimensional. And these are the most important dimensions.


 To be truly free, you need to be:

A. Physically Free

The first, and one of the most important dimensions of freedom, is physical independence. Are you able to take care of your physical needs yourself? Are you in a situation where you are physically safe and reasonably free to move around? If we are not able to take care of our simple physical needs like hygiene, safety, health and even basic physical movement, then our decisions will always be based on that dependence. Of all dimensions of freedom, this is the most fundamental.

B. Financially Free

If you lead a life that is physically free, the next freedom that you must have is financial freedom. The ability to get up and not have to worry about the next meal frees you up in an incredible way. And the converse is even more true - lack of financial freedom gnaws at your ability to take independent decisions progressively - until it destroys all your relationships, connections, work and even day to day actions. No decision taken in this state of existence is a decision connected to “freedom.”

C. Emotionally Free

Vivekananda explained this beautifully. In a single, simple sentence, he solved the world’s most difficult question for me - Love never brings pain. Love can only bring joy. Attachment brings pain.
 

Take a minute to think about that. Remember the time when you felt absolute, pure love. The object of that love is not important. The joy that you experienced at that moment - that is.

But love is not the only emotional dependence that we need to break. If we are emotionally dependent - on anything - another person, a place, even an emotion (if all our actions come from anger, for instance, or, as is more common, an emotional need to be accepted by those we want to align with), then we cannot experience the freedom of our decisions. Those decisions are basically slave reactions to our emotional needs.

If you have not tried it yet, try loving for its own sake. Not because you expect acceptance from them, or approval. Just because you find it in your heart to give love, and therefore you want to. That is when you will know emotional freedom - when you connect with someone because you want to - not because you need to.

D. Spiritually Free

We are not bodies with a soul. We are souls in a body.


Of all our freedoms, this should be held dearest. Let no one sabotage your spiritual journey.


There is a reason that a lot of followers of spiritual leaders do not experience the same peace and spiritual progression as the guru. It is because they are following the path of the Guru, not their own.


Remember that a guru is like the runner who holds the baton in a relay race.

It is the baton that has to reach the cross line - not the runner. The runner puts their best into helping the baton on that journey - holding it safely and taking it as best as is possible for them. But the journey belongs to the baton. Not the runner. If you make someone else the custodian of your spiritual journey, then it isnt yours any more. A guru is to learn from, and we surrender to them for the learning. But the responsibility of the journey rests with us.

To be spiritually free is to own this journey for ourselves. If your decisions are coming from a dependence on someone or something or a group and if you cannot imagine your spiritual journey without them, you are acting from a place of belonging, but not from a place of freedom. When you act with spiritual freedom, you will take control of your own journey and you will then take decisions based on what your journey needs at that moment.

And finally, lets talk about the image attached to this note. Radha Krishna, even if they are in the middle of the circle, surrounded by a thousand gopis, are free. The gopis, even though they surround the love struck couple, are not.

When you reach a place of freedom, you will know. And at that time, you will yourself observe a difference in the quality of your decisions, and the satisfaction you get from taking those decisions and acting on them.

For the parents: As guardians, we can only help our children reach that place of freedom. Because we have seen more slavery than they have, and can make an effort to recognise it. Once our children are truly in a place of freedom, will find them taking decisions that are not temporary.


We will see a difference in the peace on their faces. Instead of wondering if it is, in our terms, “a good decision”, lets try to see whether it is coming from a place of freedom. Because the accompaniment of freedom is wisdom. Freedom is not easily got.