The night girl and the day girl

At night, this new person rises in me. 

This person is not like my day person. 

My day person is someone who has made peace with the inequities of life. Who says that inequality and unfairness are not a bug, they are a feature of our world. 

The day person forgives and forgets people who treat her badly. She keeps a safe distance, but does not really ruminate over the bad things they did.  She does not want to give it back as good as she gets, and is very mindful of the fact that increasingly, everyone above the age of 30 days is always, always right. They can make no mistake and do no wrong. 

The day person is calm, laughs easily, swears, but only for fun. Sees someone treating another person badly and if she can't help it, looks the other way. 

The night person, is who the day person was before the age of.. maybe 20 or so. The night girl remembers one or two people each day who were mean to her. She then proceeds to give them the choicest galis, telling them all the things they did to hurt her, and how she chose peace over confrontation, because when has confrontation ever changed anyone's mind? 

The night person thinks of all the things that are wrong with the world and her life, and is enraged. She does not focus on the good things in life, on the blessings in life. The night person has no mercy for anyone who abuses their power just because they can. She wishes painful death upon the rich and mighty who mow down animals and humans in a drunken stupor. She reads updates on Mercedes and BMW Hit and Run cases. She hopes that every corrupt person would die choking on their ill-gotten wealth. She wishes instant karma upon every bully. 

The night person gets all brilliant ideas. She knows the day person will never get them. The day person just doesn't have the sharp brain that she has. So, some nights, she gives up on sleep, gets up at 4 am, and writes blog posts about those bright ideas. Then, she waits till morning and sends them to people. These people are usually amazed at how creative and incisive these ideas are. 

***** 

I want to tell the night girl, that there is no need to deny oneself. She does not need to hide and come out in the night. If she feels anger at the unfairness of life, she does not have to justify that anger to herself. There is no need for two separate people. The night girl is the real me. The day girl is also the real me. But I think that inequity - lack of fairness - people getting away with doing things to people, is something i just cannot make my peace with, even if I am the only person in the world who does not like it. 

If she wants to cry and sob well into the night for things that happened more than one to four decades ago, she should. There is no such thing as too much time to grieve. Especially because, at that time, and since then, she has been busy being strong. She does not need to be strong anymore. She can totally be this sap who cries easily and laughs at stupid jokes. She is safe, and she has worked hard to reach this safety - physically and financially. 

It is safe to come out at night. But it is also safe to come out in the day. It is ok to tell people off if they are being rude or inconsiderate. A relationship does not have to be based on inequality of respect. It cannot be. And a truly nice person would not be disrespectful or inconsiderate. If they are, then they do not value what matters to her and with them, she might find company, but will not find companionship. To steal an old cliche, better to be alone in that case. Friends who do not value you are really not friends. And friends who value you will take your feedback if you tell them that you found them rude or inconsiderate. 

Sigh! The night girl, when she comes out in the day, is going to make the day girl very very lonely. The day girl currently has quite a network of plastic placeholders. Looks like spring cleaning is in the air, even though we are moving towards fall (well, literally and figuratively). 

मुहावरों पर मेरे सवाल - हिन्दी

वैसे तो हर भाषा में अपना रस होता है 

पर जो रस भारतीय भाषाओं के मुहावरों में है 

वह कहीं नहीं 

*********** 

मुहावरों पर मेरे सवाल 

आव देखा ना ताव 

क्या हैं ये - आव और ताव? 

इन्हें देखना 

क्यूँ जरूरी है

कुछ करने से पहले? 

ठाट- बाट से रहने वालों के घर में 

ठाट और बाट कहाँ मिलते हैं? 

हाथ कंगन को आरसी क्या 

- बिना हाथ के कंगन को 

आरसी क्यूँ चाहिए? 

या, हाथ में कंगन आ जाने से 

हाथ को आरसी की आवश्यकता है 

ऐसी जादुई वस्तु - आरसी - है क्या? 

आनन फानन में से 

आनन कौन है 

और फानन कौन? 

इन दोनों के साथ आने से 

काम जल्दी जल्दी क्यूँ हो जाते हैं? 

ऊंट के मुंह में जीरा? 

पर मुंह तो सबसे बड़ा 

हाथी का होता है 

और जीरे से छोटी होती है 

राई 

तो हाथी के मुंह में राई क्यूँ नहीं? 

यदि चोर चोर होते हैं 

मौसेरे भाई 

तो चचेरे, फुफेरे, ममेरे भाई 

चोर पुलिस होते हैं?

 

Meditation after a spiritual crisis

Last week, a young boy died. He was in my son's school. For 3 days, the entire school community, every single parent, was praying for that kid. We waited for updates but did not stop praying. 

At the end of those 3 days, we lost him. Even now, I am choking while writing this. 

This incident made me lose all faith in God and meditation. 

For one day, I did not pray. The hands automatically went to the lamp in the temple and lit it. 

I don't remember how long the daze lasted. One day, maybe two. 

When it lifted, I realised, i don't pray for God. I pray for myself. It gives me peace. Meditation is like my relaxation technique. 

A little later, when the head was a little cleared, my meditation reminded me that that evening, at about 5 30 pm, I had been distinctly told that the boy has not made it. I ignored that as my own misgivings and continued to focus on positive messaging. But that one newsflash at 5 30 pm was solid enough for me to remember later. 

It was a mistake. Just like Tejaswee - many years ago. She was not meant to go. Nor was this kid. But they went. It was a horrible, horrible mistake. 

I am yet to get over the shock.

Then, it was time to bring Ganpati Bappa home. We did. 

And, as soon as He came, it was as if my house underwent a transformation. I cannot describe it. There was happiness - in the house, and in the heart. 

This year, I just feel like going and sitting near him for no reason at all. That connection that we feel with Ganpati is back. 

Tonight, as I was talking to Him just before bed, the thought of that boy came up strongly, and He said, I need you to open your arms and visualise the fire from your heart. You do not meditate to do anything for God. You do it to complete your own lessons of this birth. Your own work of this birth. 

Will I still be allowed to experience Ananda? 

Of course! You are always welcome to Ananda. But understand that Ananda is a result of many years of doing good. 

You do not do anything for God. You do it to fulfil your duties and karma in this birth. Ananda does not benefit anyone except you. And it is a privilege. Be grateful for it. It is rare. Value it. Treasure it. You cannot live one day without Ananda* to anchor you. 

*A meditative state that I experience during.. well, meditation.  

On Friendships

As we have all observed, there is an epidemic of loneliness. It doesn't come so much from not having people around, but from not finding companionship in that company. We feel alone even amidst people. 

The other thing that happens is that people tend to ghost a lot more. Suddenly, they are not calling you. Suddenly, they are not around. Or one day, they snap on a relatively small issue and never get in touch again. We are the ones doing it too. Suddenly, it's too much work to stay in touch with so and so irritating friend. 

As an old person, I have been paying some attention to this. Why does this happen? Why were there lifelong friendships among our parents and their friends, but transitory ones for us? 

These are some common themes that I have observed: 

A. Persistence - You will not like all your friends all the time. They will make statements that will make you cringe. Their political ideologies will make you doubt your own sanity. But stay in touch. Respect the person, not their thoughts or actions. Unless there is significant mistrust (with evidence) and disrespect, keep the friendship going. Reach out. 

B. Consistency - If you call each other once a year on birthdays, do that EVERY SINGLE YEAR. If you only ever send one message once a year, send it every year. If you meet on the last Saturday of every month, clear everything else in that time slot. 

Consistency comes from prioritisation. To be consistent in a largely VUCA world, you will have to learn to say NO - to new connections, new opportunities, new distractions. For something to be lasting, you have to make it last. Not lost. 

C. Communication - When someone appears upset with you, ask them why. Then, truly listen to what they are saying. When someone asks you if you are upset, and you are, do tell them what's bothering you. These open communications and fights have become so rare in our forever polite and politically correct world. A good fight, and a good cry, are included in the ingredients for a great, lasting friendship. 

Some of my friendships go back decades, most go back at least a few years. Those whom i know from more recent meets, I am still finding a space with them. When it comes to friendships, I am a tortoise. I move slowly, very slowly, and the end of every friendship hurts. Because each one is treasured and cultivated.