On relationships and respect

किसी और को बढ़ावा देने के लिए, अपने आप को घटाना नहीं चाहिए। उसे self-deprecation कहते हैं। 

अपने को अच्छा महसूस कराने के लिए, किसी और का दिल नहीं तोड़ना चाहिए। उसे narcissism कहते हैं। 

चाँद की रोशनी छुप न जाए, इस के लिए सूरज अपने आप को मद्धम नहीं करता। 

Don't whittle yourself away to add to someone else's personality. 

Don't break a heart to make yourself feel good. 

The sun does not reduce its shine so the moon might be visible. The moon just chooses a different time, and they both rule the sky. 

During this time, when I have started to prioritise my mental health above most other things, I have been making some changes: 

A. Realising that I have lovely friends, and being very grateful for them, their love, and their support at this time. 

B. I also became aware of some friends who, for years, have used the love that I give freely, and responding to that love with selfishness, unresponsiveness, or even meanness. Instinctively, I have started to avoid these friends. When one of them calls to ask how I am doing, I say, I am on a mental health break. But during this break, I have actually been meeting my friends a lot MORE, not less. The fact that these friends are the energy that I have wanted to avoid during healing, made me go back and introspect - when did this person last make me feel like a friend? 

For most friends, I am glad to say, the feeling of avoidance is based on their communication patterns, rather than a lack of love at their end. For some, I am just not willing to step into the pattern of pretend-love-that-is-actually-their-self-aggrandisation. So, these friends, I have just instinctively let go of. I don't know if I will miss their presence in the future, but for now, it just feels like a handcuff or a chain taken away, and I feel much the lighter for it.