Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Farewell Mail

This first came in a forwarded mail this morning. Its a Farewell Mail.
JPMC(JP Morgan Chase) HR will be sooo grateful to this guy for spreading the truth about it as an employer. This kind of a referral truly comes only once in a lifetime.

What's more, it has already covered Finance and IT industries. That is industry wide recognition!

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.
But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda Ashby who is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.
So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.



JPMC need not worry though. We Indians are incorrigible employees. There will still be applications for employment.


!!! said...

I somehow have a different take on this issue...I have gotten sick of this "People dont leave companies, they leave their managers" adage. It must have been coined by some HR person or top exec to pass on all the blame to their middle managers.

Its easy to get out saying 'my manager sucked' bigtime... and its the easy way out to de-stress yourself as well. I must have said the same tons of times about my manager too... but the fact I have known too is that as an employee I have had lackings too.

Most employees today are ready to change jobs when the earliest opportunity presents itself - and comes in a hefty hike - particularly in my industry. Startups and struggling-to-hire companies at times have gone overboard in their offers. And what do employees do at their exit interviews - blame it all on the manager. (And dont even mention other big reason - a 40% salary hike).

And managers are not god's...they dont have magic wands to solve all that is wrong with the company...And believe me, most managers are just as frustated with the company...but being managers they arent even allowed to crib.

How do we know said...

The 40% pay hike is perhaps the reason why that guy is finally leaving, but is NOT the reason why he started looking out.

Managers being frustrated does not, by itself, mean that he is not the cause of another person's frustration.

That being said, managers are not, and cannot be the *ONLY* sources of frustration. The organisation's culture has a huge role to play, as do several other factors.

What struck me about this email was its directness. I am sick of the hypocrisy we ingrain in the name of "rules" like do not criticise your company, your manager etc. Do not burn bridges, mera sar! That hypocrisy needs to get out of our communication, and this here is a worthy start.

As an entrepreneur, would i hire the guy who wrote this? other things being equal, a resounding YES.

Mampi said...

LOved reading this one.
Thanks for sharing.