Sunday, April 21, 2013

Parent child love ?

I have a lot of respect for parent child love.

However, one does believe that its not the absolute that its made out to be. In fact, quite the opposite.

  • Parents who abort daughters as accrued liability and nurture sons as term deposits.
  • Yesterday, someone was talking to me and told me that he and his wife are very stupid and their parents decide everything for them - including buying items of daily use and clothes. they dont buy anything for themselves. why? bcs "my mother is very smart. she does all this for us in a way we never can."  - Really? and what happened to learning by practice?
  • Parents who sexually abuse their own children, or look the other way when the child reports something?
  • Parents like this one
  • Parents who want to control every aspect of their adult children's lives - who they will marry, when they will have kids, where they will work, even what their grandchildren will wear.
Between them, methinks this covers the entire gamut of parental interactions in society.

Tell me, where is love in all this?

I was told that once i become a parent, i will stop seeing the selfishness in parental love and see the love in it. i dont. i still see selfishness. And my son highlights it to me over and over again. When he does something that i dont like, he makes it a point to tell me that just because i dont like it doesnt mean he doesnt do it. it has to appeal to HIS reason, not mine. And though one is angry, one has to agree in principle.

I want him to comply not for his good, but for my convenience. i dont consider what works for him, i think of what works for me and try and coerce him to comply. I try to reason it out with him, but i start from the perspective that what i m saying is right. Which it is not.

What do you think?          


Raajii said...

One way or another parents screw us over, and quite possibly we'll do the same to our kids. Somehow some way, we'll mess them up.

Z said...

Well, I think that constant reasoning and bargaining with a small child can become both wearing and self-defeating. Sometimes, a parent does know best because one can see the bigger picture. And there are plenty of times when someone has to do something they'd rather not, at school, at work, for the good of someone else rather than oneself. Prompt and cheerful obedience is a good and loving thing. Having said that, a parent also needs to be aware of the point of view of the child and respect his or her opinions and wishes - but it's okay to override them sometimes, and you have the final say. You're the grown-up, it's your job.

Manish Raj said...


I think Parent and Child relationship has to be respected as other long term relationships in our life.

It is just like I love my wife doesn't mean I must hear everything she asks for.

There are times you are right and there are times you are wrong. The challenge is how best can we come out of ego or perceptions and see the others viewpoint.

If we are right, we need be strict. But if we are able to realize that we could be wrong, we must accept and agree with their views.


How do we know said...

hi Raaji: :) i'm an optimist. It doesnt have to be this way.

Hi Z: as usual, your words are wise and practical both- and thats a rare combination. yes, sometimes he just has to do certain things. PErsonal discipline is not negotiable and its not negotiated. And i have learnt much from this comment. THank you! i will be more sure of a decision to assert hereafter :)

Guruji: yes, the ego perspective. :( these children amaze me everyday with their intelligence, and the fact that they put that intelligence to such suboptimal use.

Mridula Harshvardhan said...


All this at times so called 'aadambar of prem' comes from personal right n wrong, personal perspectives, personal likes n dislikes and not what is actually right and wrong.

Kudos to the writer for bringing it up so objectively.