"I don't care" is a trauma response.
Love is an emotion. It cannot be mandated. It is perfectly ok to not feel love for genetic relationships. They were not in your life, so they are not in your head. (or in your memories.)
You say you don't want to make excuses for their behaviour, and yet you are... you are trying to justify why they might have done what they are doing.
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Also a beautiful story:
After the session, I usually thank my therapist. I did that at the end of the session, and she responded:
Thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you for letting me help.
<Pause>
And Thank you for being so beautiful and giving me this view. The couch is green, you are dressed in white and there are pink flowers next to you. Its like being in a meadow.
Me: Tell me more..
The way she described how her eyes interpreted that view was so lovely, that i went out and bought myself the same pink flowers and brought them home.
And I think.. this will be one of those lovely memories. :)
कल हम मिल नहीं पाए।
इसलिए कल, मैंने सिर्फ तुम्हें प्यार किया।
आज भी, सिर्फ तुम्हें प्यार करने का दिन है।
कल के लिए भी बस यही काम सोच कर रखा है।
Yesterday, we could not meet.
So, I loved you all day.
Today is the day to love you all day.
And tomorrow, I plan to do the exact same thing.
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In my defence, I am allowed to spew total insaneness. its part of therapy :)
