Saturday, July 19, 2014

अपनी पहचान / Self Awareness

कभी मैं होती हूँ बोटी ,
जिसे नोचा और खाया जा सकता है 
कभी मैं होती हूँ 
निर्मल, शीतल नदी 
जिस से प्यास बुझाई जा सकती है 
(पर पथिक को, प्यास बुझने के बाद, नदी की क्या ज़रुरत?)
कभी सर की छाँव 
कभी पैरों तले की ज़मीन 

पर असल में मैं हूँ
अफ्रीका का पश्चिमी किनारा 
जो ढूंढ़ रहा है 
दक्षिणी अमरीका का
पूर्वी किनारा। 

Sometimes I am
a piece of meat
to be torn into
and devoured
At times I am
the gentle, sweet river
that can quench thirst
(But what use is the river to the traveller, after his thirst is quenched?)
I become the roof above a head
Or the ground beneath the feet.

But actually, I am just
the Western Coast of Africa
looking for
the Eastern coast of
South America.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

On Guru Purnima day..

Always, it has been like this.. I have been a severely under confident child, thinking of self as the bumbling idiot, with no talent or potential. Always, my teachers have believed in me and made me excel.

In Class 4, it was Seema mam who thought a shy child like me could do oratory. She put me on the stage for debate competitions and for the next 3 years, I won the inter school junior trophies for the school. If you saw me in class, no, you couldn't see me in class. I was that invisible.

In Class 7, it was Manickam mam who believed I could study physics. For 4 years, I managed with just about passing marks in all 3 streams of science - Physics, Chemistry and Bio. Of the 3, Physics was always the toughest. For 4 years, she never once scolded me , or even asked how a child can consistently top every single subject, but manage only passing marks in Science? She just patiently waited. In Class X, I managed more than the passing mark. I managed 75%. But more importantly, I read the subject and actually tried to understand it. Still remember bits of Class 10 Physics. (Did I mention? I also managed to top my batch at school that year)

In 11th and 12th, it was Sheela mam, our Civics teacher. She told the class, this girl will get a state rank. She praised my essays and just kept believing, and guiding. I scored 95 out of 100 in a theoretical subject like Civics. And yes, I did get that state rank - 5th in Andhra Pradesh.

In college, it was Sr. Romana. She saw me through some really difficult days and simply said, "I believe you." I topped the college in academics, did well in NSS, Creative writing and even choreographed a group dance.

In masters, it was Lin Chats, who was responsible for the only A+ I got there. and Monk, who did an EQ test shortly after we entered college and it was found that I have the highest EQ on campus. And the other teachers. I got the gold medal for HR Stream. I wasn't there to take it, because I never thought one could get a convocation gold medal at such a prestigious institute.

And the same thing happened yesterday. I truly believe that I have no future as a dancer. I don't have the age, body shape, technique, or talent. But my Guruji insisted that that the Ghungroo pooja has to be done and one has to become a committed student of Kathak. He simply says, you will stay with dance for a long time. You have it inside you. And once more, I take a leap of faith into the unknown, because the teacher trusts me, even tho I don't trust self at all.

Here's to Guru Poornima.  Now we know why the Guru is so important..

Friday, July 04, 2014

gem from the Sanskrit Lokokti Kosh

किताबों में बंद विद्या और किसी और को दिया हुआ धन समय पर काम नहीं आते। 
इसलिए न वह विद्या है और न वह धन है. 

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

kavita mein panchbhoot / कविता में पंचभूत

कविता में होते हैं
पंचभूत

कविता का जल
अपनी राह स्वयं ढूंढता
कविता,
किसी भी भाव को भर दे,
चाहे कैसा भी , और कितना भी हो,
उस का आकार । 

कविता का व्योम (अंतरिक्ष)
इस संसार से ऊपर, बहुत दूर ले जाए
अपने पंखों पर बिठा कर
दुनिया अपनी हो न हो
कविता अपनी होती है.

कविता , ज्यूँ वायु
गर्मी में शीतल झोंका
और कभी
ज्यूँ आंधी
तब तक उड़ाए
जब तक "होने " का भ्रम
मिट न जाए । 


और कभी कविता
पृथ्वी की तरह
बनती है सहारा
उठा लेती है
सारा बोझ
अपने शब्दों के कन्धों पर
हल्के  हो जाते हैं
हम । 

कभी कविता अग्नि बन
जलाती  है
तन मन ,
राख हो जाता है
आस पास का संसार
हम देखते हैं, मूक.

कविता में होते हैं
पंचभूत.

 

Friday, May 30, 2014

Dr. KK Sethi, Dr. Pradeep Mathur, Dr. Nikhil Kumar and a mother lost.

Please take out some time to read this.
People are asking my family and I, "what had happened?". Let me answer that for you today. November 10th, My mom had bee...n complaining that she was suffering from a minor chest pain. My family took her, for her profile tests, to the hospital. The reports said that she was going through an angina episode and should get admitted immediately. Mom was admitted at DELHI HEART AND LUNG INSTITUTE - PANCHKUIAN ROAD. Doctors had said that they have to perform an angiography to see if she had any blockage in her arteries. As soon as that was done, they told her that she had 90% blockage and should get operated asap. There were two options, either an angioplasty or a bypass surgery. As she was a type 2 diabetic patient, since the past 17 years, doctors said that a bypass would get too risky. Thinking for her benefit, my family encouraged her to get the angioplasty done. They put 2 stents in her arteries, so that the blood could flow through her arteries, to her heart. They changed her medication and discharged her.
As the months passed by, All of us were getting worried. Her breathlessness, which should have been gone, had increased. Her blood sugars were fluctuating, more to the higher side.
In April, I got back from Canada, earlier, so i could get her treated asap. A week back, we took her to go get her blood tests done, which had shown that her kidneys were now getting deteriorated and her glycosylated haemoglobin had exceeded to a great extent.
Although, she was physically and mentally stable, looking at the condition of her kidneys, we were worried to find out what was actually going on with her, we got her admitted to one of the finest known hospitals in Delhi - FORTIS GURGAON.
After showing her history, the doctors had told us, that she had not needed an angioplasty in November, as there was less blockage and medication would have treated her. We were told that the diabetologist in november had prescribed her with the wrong medication and insulins that led to her kidneys getting deteriorated and uncontrollable sugar levels.
Later on, the doctors asked to get her admitted to control her sugar levels and were demanding for her to get another angiography.
We got her admitted on Wednesday night to get her sugar levels in control. Due to unprofessionalism, the nurses gave her the wrong insulin and kept delaying the rest of her medication. That was the first sign of medical negligence. Mom had kept telling us that she was fine and just wanted to get her kidney functions/sugar levels in control and get out of here. She was scared to get another angiography done. She was hesitant. The next day, the doctors took her in for another angiography, which was "apparently" successful.
Minutes later, she had collapsed. Doctors said that she was going through a cardiac arrest and put her on ventilator. They knew she was dead, i knew she was gone, we all did, but they still took her in for an open heart surgery giving us false hopes that she would survive. They tortured her body, cut her open and god knows what they did to her inside. Right after that, they told us she has 5 hours to become stable otherwise she is gone. After one hour, at 3:27pm. They declared her dead by turning of all the machines.
There was a time when people used to worship doctors. Medical has become a money making business in India now. No one can accuse them of anything because of the rubbish they get signed from us before any operation. A perfectly fine human being was killed by these doctors. They knew she had not needed another angiography as it was risky to her health. Medical negligence!!!

DR. K.K SETHI (DHLI)
DR. PRADEEP MATHUR (DHLI)
DR. NIKHIL KUMAR (FORTIS)
SOME NURSES AT FORTIS HOSPITAL
My mom wanted me to become a successful doctor. I will, just for her and prove to the world that good doctors do exist! Just for my MOM!
Sorry for not replying to any of your messages, i just have no strength or courage, and no words. I am devastated. Thank you for keeping her in your prayers.

-Aashnaa Jolly

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Bade Khaandaan

बड़े खानदान  बनाते हैं
बंगले  से मकान
मकान से कमरे
और कमरों से
"२५ गज़ की जगह,
ऊपर घर, नीचे दुकान"

कमल  महल
बन जाता है
एसटीडी पीसीओ की दुकान
सोच कर बढ़ाएं खानदान

Monday, May 26, 2014

Today's gratitude

Today's gratitude is for a circle of friends and family that hold a family up when it needs support..

For the friend who insists that we use a room in his hotel (next to the hospital) to sleep instead of the ICU waiting room, so that we are fresh for the next day.

For the friends who keep coming to visit, even on working days, at all times, so that my mother is not left alone in the ICU waiting room for even 5 minutes. They talk to her about dad, about the weather, about the elections, about anything at all, but they keep her talking, and they keep her company. She doesn't sink.

For friends who reached in under 5 minutes to rush dad to the emergency. No ambulance, just 2 calls saying "Come NOW" and they never asked "Why?" They just came.

For doctors and nurses and ward boys and the parking staff. Everyone who understood that it is not a "patient" in there, it is "your father" . They never once call him "your patient".

For friends who send lunch, just because... raw banana dry sabzi, dal makhani, a feast..

For friends who pray for your father just bcs you send out a message saying "please pray for him" and they tell you "He will be just fine."

For the nurse who says, while waiting for the CT scan, "When it is my next shift in the ICU, your father will not be a patient there. I can tell you that." She says that when you don't know which way it can go. You squeeze her arm gently in a gesture of gratitude, because you are too overwhelmed to even say "Thank you"

 For people who see you after 15 years, and hug you so tight because they really do love you like they did 15 years ago. They saw you grow up, and they accept you growing old.

For friends who hear about it and volunteer to babysit your child.

For people who get up at 4 every morning and walk to the Gurudwara to pray for your father. For good folks who pray for him and then call to ask how he is doing.

For old world ties that belong in small cities and towns. And for the new bonds that are so strong.

Today's gratitude is for the awareness that the challenge may have been ours, but the solution was made up of everyone around us.

It takes a village to bring up a child. It takes a village to handle an ICU.

Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to see how blessed we are in the love of folks around us..

The ICU continues, the Reiki continues.. but how I have changed in just one week...

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Lessons from an ICU

Over the last few days, I have learnt a lot.

I have learnt that you develop a strange kinship with the others waiting outside the ICU to catch a glimpse of their loved ones. When you pray for your father, you also start praying for everyone else in the ward. You learn that when your brother comes home from his shift, you ask about your father, but you also ask about all the other critical patients with equal zeal.

You learn that the kindness of the doctors, nurses and other staff members matters as much as (if not more than) their professional competence.

You learn that prayer is a very powerful thing. That when you really need to call upon the highest power known to you to save someone you love, you never think of a human being. You fold your hands, kneel, and pray.

You learn that in an ICU, all life moves in slow motion, and you have a thousand gratitudes to send up. In an ICU, you realise more than anywhere else, how much is right with your life.

You learn that when you come in and tell your father that you raced straight to reach him by his lunch time, and does he have any idea how hot it is outside, the look on his face tells you that he would do anything to find out how hot it is outside. That what you are complaining about is the very thing that he craves the most.

Yes, you learn a lot in an ICU.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Pain, like Moon

Pain, like moon, waxes and wanes

Just when you think
it is gone for ever
it peeps through
just a little bit
and u realise
what you thought
was he
was only
the new moon night.