Yes, energy works. it is real.

Two days ago, I was going to my neighbour's house to pick up the key I had left there. We usually leave a key there when we travel. My meditation said, 'Don't go." 

I ignored that warning, because, what could go wrong with going to a neighbour's house and picking up a key? 

Well, you don't just walk in and out, so we got to talking, and she mentioned that she has a strong pain in her left shoulder. In that moment, i physically felt the pain move from her to me. I came home and didn't think much of it, shrugging it off as my own overthinking. 

The next day, the pain started. Mild. I was surprised. Left shoulder. I had had nothing of the sort ever. My tendonitis was right shoulder, and over a decade ago. No issues with the left shoulder ever. 

Today, the pain is really strong. I went to get a massage. That usually takes care of small muscular aches and pains. By night, the pain is worse. I have already popped a pill and am now sitting with the tens physiotherapy machine plugged in on the shoulder (I have one at home for the recurrent hip pain). 

So, I went to my meditation, apologised, and asked for directions. At the time of writing this, the meditation is laughing. "Now go through with it. You asked for it." 

Sigh! Well. 

The point of this post is, energy is real. Do not ever laugh it off. 

I routinely fall ill and get better based on the energy of the room and people around. So far, I have not learnt how to control that, close one's aura etc. But I know it works. Every single time. 

Conversation with self

On a scale of 1-10, how sad has your life been? 

Because I am in self-pity mode, I'd say 5-6. 

And when not in self-pity mode? 

Then, I would say 4. 

That happy? 

The thing about happiness is, that it becomes invisible to us after a while. Like we don't notice the strength of the bricks in the foundation of our house, but the joy of living in a house that withstands storms, earthquakes, etc., is HUGE. Only, after a while, we start taking it for granted, and it becomes invisible to us. That is why, periodically, we need to remember the large building blocks of life that are in place. For me, it is this - I was given the mission of my life early on, I was given my biggest desire from life, AND, i have an invisible guardian angel. 

If the world is a place of comparisons, I value having these blessings. I do not have crazy money, love, and a designation of envy. And in MY scheme of asks, they were important, but not more important than the daily miracles I am blessed with. 

Daily miracles? 

When I get arrythmia, I keep a pleth just to keep track. Now, I like to see a certain shape in the pleth. It just makes me happy. No reason. I will tell you the most incredible thing. When i put on the pleth and don't look at it, it has a shape. But the second I start observing the pleth, it takes the shape I like. I look away for a minute, and the shape goes back to what it was. 

While booking tickets this time, I was told to buy refundable fares. I always buy only non refundable fares because my travel plans are pretty stable. But this time, someone guided my hand to the refundable fares. Surprisingly, for the first time in forever, those travel plans changed and i saved a lot of money. 

At just the right time, I got a therapist that worked out very well. 

The anchoring that comes from daily praying. 

The love of friends. 

The conversations with the child. 

The henna designs on the hand. 

Things one learns in therapy

"I don't care" is a trauma response. 

Love is an emotion. It cannot be mandated. It is perfectly ok to not feel love for genetic relationships. They were not in your life, so they are not in your head. (or in your memories.) 

You say you don't want to make excuses for their behaviour, and yet you are... you are trying to justify why they might have done what they are doing.

*********** 

Also a beautiful story: 

After the session, I usually thank my therapist. I did that at the end of the session, and she responded: 

Thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you for letting me help. 

<Pause> 

And Thank you for being so beautiful and giving me this view. The couch is green, you are dressed in white and there are pink flowers next to you. Its like being in a meadow. 

Me: Tell me more.. 

The way she described how her eyes interpreted that view was so lovely, that i went out and bought myself the same pink flowers and brought them home. 

And I think.. this will be one of those lovely memories. :) 

The end of a friendship...

I realised today that it is harder to let go of a friendship than it is to let go of a relationship. 

In a relationship, all said and done, we retain a sense of self. In friendships, we give without accounting, we accept people as they are, and we do not always expect friends to be polite or even not rude. 

But suddenly, one day, they are exceptionally insensitive, and we find ourselves shocked. 

Then, we sit down and ask self an honest question - "When was the last time this friend was a "friend"? When did I last feel nice while interacting with them?" 

For me, that answer was "15 years". The last positive memory I have with this friend is from 15 years ago. For one and a half decades, I had been pouring into this friendship, without even pausing to think. 

When a romantic relationship goes bad, I usually say, "I love you very much, but I respect me more." With startling clarity, I realised that it was time to say the same thing to a one-sided friendship too. And its really, really hard. 

This embedded sadism

"औरत को बांध कर मारना चाहिए। फिर वो कहीं नहीं भाग सकती।" - अमृता प्रीतम की कहानी "मैं सब जानता हूँ" में ठेकेदार ने ये बात कही थी। और कल, फेस्बूक पर एक औरत ने यही बात लिखी। 

ये बात सच है। बच्चों वाली औरत बच्चों को छोड़ कर कहीं नहीं भाग सकती। फेस्बूक वाली औरत ने लिखा, "पर एक दिन, अगर मैं मुंह खोल दूँ तो?" 

मैं उस औरत को बताना चाहती थी, कि मुंह खोलने से दिन शांत हो जाते हैं और रातें और भी काली। 

पर मैंने कुछ नहीं लिखा। हर औरत की रस्सी भी अलग होती है, और उसकी गांठों का कसाव भी अलग। 

मुझे तकलीफ इस सोच से है, कि एक इंसान को बांध कर मारने की इच्छा है। उस इच्छा का होना भर ही मुझे समझ नहीं आता। 

इस सोच में, बच्चे प्रेम का प्रतीक नहीं होते। औरत को बांधने वाली रस्सियाँ होते हैं - जो बच्चों को कभी नहीं होना चाहिए। 

********* 

"A woman who is tied before she is hit is not able to run away. You should tie a woman down with children before hitting her." - This was a line in a short story by Amrita Pritam. 

And last week, this was written by a woman on Facebook. 

It is true. Women with children cannot run from bad marriages as easily. That is why men have suicides and women have autoimmune disorders. We cannot die. 

The poster on Facebook wrote, "But what if I were to open my mouth one day..?" 

I wanted to tell that woman that it won't change anything. It might make the days more peaceful but the nights will become darker and more unpredictable. 

But my issue is not with the comment, or the possibility of opening the mouth. My issue is with the core thought process that wants to tie up another human being and beat them. With embedded sadism that is so mainstream that it finds acceptance in our daily conversations!!! 

In this destructive thought process, children are not a symbol of love or union. They are tools of manipulation. Ropes that bind a victim and make her helpless. And children should never be that. 

I want to call out this embedded sadism. But don't know how. 

The Cells Remember

"The cells remember," they say. 

I believe them 

Because there is pain 

even where 

there is no memory. 

Then it is the cells, innit, 

that need to scream their pain away

And heal? 

The cells will release 

Their pain 

in microcosms of quarks 

That we cannot see

but we will know

when its done 

because the water 

will feel clean. 

And the cells 

will breathe 

freely again.  

Narcissist का प्रेम

Narcissitic लोगों का प्रेम सरस्वती नदी जैसा लगता है। हमें लगता है कि इस सब के नीचे कहीं छुपा हुआ जरूर है, पर हमें कभी दिखाई नहीं देता।  मन के विश्वास के अलावा कहीं नहीं होता। कभी उस में न नहा पाते हैं, न उस से कोई प्यास बुझा पाते हैं। 

हमें किसी दूर की satellite से दिखाई पड़ता है - किसी और से कहा हुआ, सबके सामने किया कोई मीठा काम, पर हमारे जीवन में कभी नहीं होता। 

ये प्रेम मृग तृष्णा सा होता है, पर सरस्वती सा लगता है। 

The love of a narcissist feels like the River Saraswati. We feel that underneath all this, it most certainly exists.. somewhere. Its just that we can't see it from day to day (for many days, until the days turn to months and months turn to years). It exists primarily in our unshaken belief. We can neither bathe in it, nor quench the thirst of the heart with it. 

We can see it in some distant satellite images - like them proclaiming to some friends or family members how much they love us and how they cannot live without us, or them doing some affectionate gesture in the presence of 100 ppl so they all think how lucky we are. But its never a part of our real life. 

It is a mirage, but it feels like the River Saraswati. 

#Narcissism 

6th December

6th December. 

This was the day, back in 2005, when I had an important surgery. For some reason, as the day approached this year, I was apprehensive, wondering whether it would bring back memories. Usually, the day passes without one even registering the date but this time, somehow, it was different. 

Well... the day came and went. 

AND, as I tucked self into bed at the end of a very happy day, I realised that 6th December is a milestone, for me to remember how far life has come. How much better it is today than it was on that day in 2005. On that day, I had a lot of faith, and no hope for the future. I had consigned myself to a funeral pyre of being the living dead. To live without happiness, hope, and joy, hanging on to that thing called faith. 

It's not an ideal life. But its much better than it was on 6th December, 2005. 

And so, I ended 6th December, not with bad memories, but a ton of gratitude. 

On Friendships

As we have all observed, there is an epidemic of loneliness. It doesn't come so much from not having people around, but from not finding companionship in that company. We feel alone even amidst people. 

The other thing that happens is that people tend to ghost a lot more. Suddenly, they are not calling you. Suddenly, they are not around. Or one day, they snap on a relatively small issue and never get in touch again. We are the ones doing it too. Suddenly, it's too much work to stay in touch with so and so irritating friend. 

As an old person, I have been paying some attention to this. Why does this happen? Why were there lifelong friendships among our parents and their friends, but transitory ones for us? 

These are some common themes that I have observed: 

A. Persistence - You will not like all your friends all the time. They will make statements that will make you cringe. Their political ideologies will make you doubt your own sanity. But stay in touch. Respect the person, not their thoughts or actions. Unless there is significant mistrust (with evidence) and disrespect, keep the friendship going. Reach out. 

B. Consistency - If you call each other once a year on birthdays, do that EVERY SINGLE YEAR. If you only ever send one message once a year, send it every year. If you meet on the last Saturday of every month, clear everything else in that time slot. 

Consistency comes from prioritisation. To be consistent in a largely VUCA world, you will have to learn to say NO - to new connections, new opportunities, new distractions. For something to be lasting, you have to make it last. Not lost. 

C. Communication - When someone appears upset with you, ask them why. Then, truly listen to what they are saying. When someone asks you if you are upset, and you are, do tell them what's bothering you. These open communications and fights have become so rare in our forever polite and politically correct world. A good fight, and a good cry, are included in the ingredients for a great, lasting friendship. 

Some of my friendships go back decades, most go back at least a few years. Those whom i know from more recent meets, I am still finding a space with them. When it comes to friendships, I am a tortoise. I move slowly, very slowly, and the end of every friendship hurts. Because each one is treasured and cultivated. 

and this is one of the things i wrote and love a lot:

human being (a favorite ex blogger) once asked me - describe urself in 6 words. and i wrote: 6 words is six too many.

A lifetime of being judged

I have a condition.  I don't know what it's called, but it has often been called laziness, lack of personal discipline, and other judgmental names. 

The condition is simply this - my body needs to be asleep at a certain time every day. 

You might find this familiar - there are many people who say that they fall ill if they are not in bed by 10 pm. Many people who turn down late night parties because their bodies just cannot deal with the late nights. And also, they have to be up at 4 am, because that is when their brains feel brightest. We at least now have a name for this - every body's natural rhythm where the body and mind peak at a certain time of the day. 

So, you know the condition. But why am I called lazy, disruptive, and not disciplined at all for my condition? 

Because in my Circadian rhtythm, that time is 10 am to 11 am. And the time I need to be awake because my brain is the most active at that time - is 11 pm to 2 am. 

I am 47, and have fought this labeling of being lazy for at least 36 of those 47 years. I have suffered from migraine, allergies, fever just because i was not able to rest my body when it needed rest. Because I needed to be in school or at work. How do I know that it was because of not resting? Because when I woke up feeling unwell and went right back to bed, then woke up after 11 am, i was fine. Hundreds of times. 

A quick Google turns out a term - Type 2 Narcolepsy - the inability of the brain to choose the time of sleep. But here is the thing - Narcolepsy is only a disorder if the person wants to sleep during the day and stay up at night. Inability to sleep at night is also a disorder - insomnia. It is not a disorder if the person wants to go to bed by 10 pm. 

BUT, what if some bodies are naturally wired to sleep - not with the sun, but against it? If so many people have that as their "natural" situation, then surely, it can't be abnormal? 

If I remain healthy just by following my body's circadian rhythm, should i still feel that i am lazy or sick? (Narcolepsy)? If you look at it, these labels are not disorders - they are just labels. You only have narcolepsy if you need to sleep during the day. Not if you need to be in bed by 10 pm. Both conditions indicate a lack of control over when to sleep and wake up, but only one is a disorder. 

Why am I writing this now? Because my son has the same condition, and he is starting to internalise the same labels that I have internalised for years. He is starting to get the same smirks that I have got for decades. 

"You are so intelligent and so committed. Your work is always complete. Why don't you just wake up on time?" 

"There is no reason for you to be late to work. It is nothing but lack of personal discipline."

********* 

It is so bad that until 5-6 years ago (after I turned 40), I didn't even know what time of the day was the most restful for me. Because every day since childhood had been a mad rush to get to work on time. 

Only after leaving a regular office job did I realise the time at which I get the most restful sleep - 10 to 11 am. Can you imagine that level of lack of self-awareness? 

And I can't even start to talk about the sheer judgement and self-loathing that one goes through. 

Why can't I just get up on time? Why do i need to sleep during the day? 

"The early bird gets the worm."

"By the time you wake up, half the market is done and dusted. How will you make money on the stock market like this?" 

"You are just lazy. There is no other explanation for this. If you lie in bed at 9, you WILL be asleep by 11. It's a guaranteed thing." (No, it wasn't. I went to bed every single day at 9, and then tossed and turned till 2 am. Every single night. For years. And now, my son does the same thing. He is tossing and turning till 1 am at least.) 

So, people, finally, I am saying this - we cannot help it that our bodies have a Circadian rhythm that is not aligned to the sun, but against it. That does not make us bad people (Rakshasa, as my grandmother would say - only rakshasas get active at night). It does not make us lazy. And it definitely does not mean we have no personal discipline. 

I do not want more people to fall ill because the world does not understand something as simple as a different Circadian rhythm. So, I have to talk. And hopefully, someone out there will benefit because someone understood. 

Peace. 

On the end of a friendship

And once again, I have blabbered too much. 

I always hate opening my mouth and not knowing when to shut it. 

But these are curious days and curious times. 

Still. The Entire Diwali pooja was rotten. And this, for someone who decided to not give another human that kind of power over their lives. So much for resolution. Now for the other kind of resolution - the kind that happens on its own. We make peace with distances and come to terms with absences. 

********** 

It is always apparent

when it is imminent

And yet 

the end of a friendship 

takes us rather by surprise. 

Grief 

like seasons

must be lived through. 

************ 

Good while it lasted. 

Better when it was good. 

Best to leave it behind. 

jlt

For some weeks now, I have been going over the old diaries.. typing out what needs to be preserved and throwing out the rest. 

And realised that i have not written a journal of thoughts in forever.. and how much it helps to just write.. even if one does not ever read them again.. 

Much water has flown under every bridge, of course, but each of those posts are as fresh as if it was yesterday. I remember each of these events vividly while reading about them. 

So, maybe, it is time to journal again, not just on the bad days, but also on the good ones? 

101 Truth Questions

 1. Tell us about your first crush

2. have you ever kissed anyone in the dark? Tell us about it.

3. When you were 6 or 7 years old, how did you visualize your future life? What did you think you were going to be?

4. If you could change 3 things about your life, what would those be?

5. What would you never change about your life?

6. What is the best memory of your childhood?

7. What is the worst memory of childhood?

8. What instantly makes you like a person?

9. What makes you instantly dislike a person in a social setting.

10. What is the most romantic movie, according to you?

11. What is the most romantic song, according to you?

12. Tell us about a day or event that you were really looking forward to, but it turned out to be a damp squib?

13. What is the most uninteresting/ boring date that you’ve been on?

14. Have you felt attracted to someone when it was totally inappropriate?

15. If you fell for your boss, what would you do?

16. If someone in your team fell for you, what would you do?

17. Describe your ideal date. Who would it be, where would you go, what would you do, how would it end, and everything else.

18. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

19. What are your best qualities?

20. What do you dislike or want to change about yourself?

21. What do you value most about your partner (if you are in a relationship)?

22. Who would you like to be reborn as? Why?

23. What are your strongest values? Things you would never give up?

24. What’s a dealbreaker in a relationship?

25. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s partner or a partner’s friend?

26. What is the most embarrassing text on your phone right now?

27. What app do you spend the most time on? What do you like about it?

28. Tell us about a time that you were friends with someone but did not like something about them. Did you tell them? Why or why not?

29. What do you do if you don’t like something about your partner?

30. What do you do if you don’t like something about a family member?

31. What is your biggest fear?

32. If you met a genie, what would your three wishes be?

33. An AI is making you your perfect partner. Give it the prompt.

34. A best friend that you are not in touch with any more, but think of often.

35. Have you been attracted to someone younger (for women)/ older (for men)? How did that end?

36. Tell us about the first time someone told you they loved you.

37. If you married for love, how was marriage proposed to you? ‘

38. Which public figure would you like to have dinner with? What would you like to do/talk about?

39. Imagine you can switch places for a day with any one person on the planet (alive now). Who is it? Why? What do you do as them?

40. Who is the most attractive person you know in real life? Why are they attractive?

41.  You have the power to create an imaginary friend. They are real to you. Describe them. What do you folks talk about? What are the things you do together?

42. What is your dream profession? Why are you not it?

43. Who is the most beautiful person you know? What do you like about them?

44. Who, in your real life, has inspired you the most. Tell us about it.

45. What’s your dream come true?

46. What food can you never say no to?

47. What’s your favourite book? Why?

48. Who do you text or message the most?

49. Think about a friendship you have or have had for the longest time. Who was it? How long were you friends? Why, if at all, did it end?

50. In this room, who knows you best? Why do you feel that way?

51. In this room, who do you know best? Tell us one interesting thing about them.

52. What, according to you, is your most beautiful part?

53. If you could go back and change one thing or one incident, what would you change?

54. What are you most grateful for?

55. Have you ever spied on anyone? Why? What did it lead to?

56. Happiest day of your life so far?

57. Saddest day of your life so far?

58. What are the most important things or people in your life right now?

59. Describe an ideal day. You live where you want to live, you do what you love to do, and you are with whoever you want to be with. What happens? Describe the day.

60. In an alternate universe, you are back in college. A person you had a crush on proposed to you and you said yes. In that universe, what are you doing right now?  

61. What was your greatest learning at your first job?

62. Have you ever physically hit anyone? When?

63. When was the first time you said “I Love you” to someone? Who was it?

64. Tell us about your first heartbreak.

65. What is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to you?

66. What is the most incredible experience you have been a part of?

67. What makes you happiest?

68. What always makes you cry?

69. How would you know if you were starting to love someone?

70. If you saw a friend’s partner cheating, would you tell your friend? Why or why not?

71. What is the best news you ever got? Who gave it to you? Where?

72. What do you do when you feel sad?

73. What is your biggest regret?

74. What achievements are you most proud of?

75. Tell us one thing you like about any two people (or all) in the room.

75. Tell us one thing you would like to change about any two (or all) people in the room.

76. If you could become invisible, what would you do? For how long would you stay invisible?

77. If you could do astral travel, what would you do? How far would you remain in that state?

78. How long were you with a partner before you decided to go all the way?

79. What’s your favourite possession? Why?

80. What was your most fun holiday?

81. What was your least fun holiday? Why did it go wrong?

82. If you were to write a letter to the 20 year old you, what are the 4-5 things you would write?

83. Is there something you would only do alone, and we don’t know about it? (Any talent)

84. Imagine you can play a prank with no punishment. What would you do?

85. What dress would you love to buy?

86. Imagine that your perfect wedding is all yours. Describe it. Location, costumes, guest list, how many days, what rituals, everything.

87. What is a skill you wish you had?

88. What is the scariest thing you have ever done?

89. What are you most passionate about?

90. What is the best advice you ever got?

91. If you could be a person of the opposite gender for a day, would you take the swap? What would you do?

92. If you could have a superpower, what would you choose? Why?

93. What is the most romantic thing that someone has ever said to you? What is the most romantic thing that you have ever said to anyone?

94. Suppose someone has to meet you for a really important thing. What can they do to be instantly liked?

95. What would you observe on a first date? What would you make of it? Why? For example, say you would notice shoes. Why is that important to you?

96. Imagine you have won a jackpot lottery. What would you do?

97. What do most people assume about you that isn’t true?

98. Tell us about your best kiss.

99. Who are you closest to? What makes you open up to them so easily?

100. Who are you most impressed by? Why?

101. In this room, who are you most impressed by? Why?

********* 

This list is made for the birthday present of a dear friend. It might help some of my blog friends too.

Most of the questions are standard truth questions, some I thought up. 

 And while you are at it, do answer some of these questions for yourself too :) 

 

हमेशा

हमेशा, हमेशा 

चरैवेति , चरैवेति 

 

Charaivati means to keep walking. 

चरैवेति , चरैवेति means - Keep Going, Keep Going. 

This phrase is used in Sanskrit to indicate that one must not give up in the face of obstacles. 

The shloka itself is from Aitreya Brahmana. 

I finally found an online reference here: 

“Charanbai madhu vindati charantsvadu mudambaram.

Suryasya pasya sreemanam yo na tandrayate charan.

Charaiveti, charaiveti.”

Aitareya Brahmana*, 7.15

I am not a Vedic or Sanskrit scholar; yet the verse and its translation fascinated me.
[The literal translation of the verse according to sources is “The honey bee, by its motion, collects honey, and birds enjoy tasty fruits by constant movement. The sun is revered, by virtue of its constant shining movement; therefore, one should be constantly in motion. Keep moving, keep moving on!”]

https://ashaperinchery.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/charaiveti-the-what-the-why/

Meet the Demons

एक दिन मेरी जां 

मिलना पड़ेगा 

उन सब भूतों से 

जिन्हें गद्दे के नीचे छुपा रखा है 

महंगे मोमजामों की तरह। 

One day, you have to face, 

the monsters under the bed. 

The only way out of a haunted house

is through it. 

ਮਿਲਣਾ ਪੈਸੀ ਕਾਕਾ 

ਓਣਾ ਸਾਰੇਆ ਹੌਕੇਯਾਨ ਨੂਂ 

ਜਿਨਾਨੂ ਲੁਕਾਏਆ ਸੀ 

ਕਵਿਤਾ ਦੇ ਹਰਫ਼ਾਂ ਵਿੱਚ 

Milna paisi kaka, 

onna sareyaan haukeyaan nu, 

jinnanu lukaayaa si 

kavita de harfaan vich 

We have to meet our demons. 

Slay them. 

or Be slayed. 

I did not tell my son about 1947. or 1984. 

Then we went to see a play where the violence of 1947 was shown. In reasonable graphic detail. 

After we came back, I asked him if he found it disturbing. 

He said, "I was curious, so I found out what happened in 1947. And 1984. I already knew." 

I did not attend a wedding for almost 3 years after mine, and even now, it's not a favourite thing to do. One gets by, but that's about it. 

Hiding does not work for demons. Or monsters under the bed. One has to meet them sometime. With age, the time to meet them comes closer. The inevitability of the interaction becomes more and more apparent. 

Not looking forward. But getting ready. Very. Slowly. Someday, there will be enough courage. Amen. 

 

 

A tiny miracle and a guardian angel

This happened 2 days ago, but the need to record it has not diminished. 

So, recording. 

Usually, after sending the child to school, I nap for 2-3 hours. Being a late night sleeper, this is good. 

2 days ago, when I retired to my room as usual to take the morning nap, there was a sharp pain in the left jaw. Since this happens very often, I didn't worry about it at first. Then, the pain grew. Quite a bit. 

Some power literally did not allow me to lie down with that pain. (Lying down with the head raised usually helps in this pain). 

Slowly, I put the reiki hand to the heart, and within 3-4 minutes, the pain subsided. Then, of course, one had the nap as usual. 

This is probably the third time in life that I have actually felt a guardian presence stopping one action and almost commanding another. And each time, it has been a helpful gesture. 

This time, I was asked to record the incident. So, recording. :) 

Images...

So, this post is actually inspired by kj, who did the random 13 post using images and then the more recent post. I also got brave enough to post pictures. 

Random ones. 

Cutglass chandeliers. One doesnt get them any more and i love them 

This looks like a grandfather clock at first, but look closely and you will notice something special. From the Lalitha Mahal Palace, Mysuru 

Wall paper in our room at a recent holiday. Yeah, i love simple things like that. 

Details of a shield from Rajasthan 

Tiny marble statue of Devi Saraswati at a Jain temple in Rajasthan 

Random, Arbit

This work is done on voile at Patiala. I quite love it. 

Indian miniature art 

Sunset in the mountains

Indian crafts always take my breath away. So, this. 

That is the mighty Kanchenjunga 

Covid helped me

Most people complain about the effects of long Covid. 

Well, I had Covid in Jan 2022. 

It lasted just 48 hours or so. 

But shortly after that, I lost all memory. 

I'd anyway had issues with both short and long term memory for a while but that got better with Vit D and glucose. 

This, however, was different. I realised that I could not remember a SINGLE thing, except the birth of the child, from 2003 to date. Like, nothing. Not even one incident from the entire year. 

Well, at first, one panicked, of course. So,  I sat and wrote one incident from each year, forcing the brain to remember. In a few days, that list was compiled. I also tried to do Sudoku to try and kick start other cognitive processes that were severely hampered since Covid. 

Within a week of compiling the list, fights at home increased. 

And then, I realised - Covid had truly worked a miracle in my life! 

All 19 years were obliterated - gone - as if by magic. 

God had given a magic pill that I would have done anything for! 

Since then, I count my blessings for this every single day. Thank you, to whoever did this. 

The other faculties of the brain - my speed maths, quick analytical ability, etc. are slowly coming back. So are the memories - sometimes they come. But I don't encourage the memories. If the memory is pre 2003, it is very welcome. One spends a minute with it and smiles or feels sad. All post 2003 memories are encouraged to go back to the place they came from. 

I also forget things that happened maybe last month or so pretty quickly. It works very very well. 

Flowers

 जब फूल मेरे घर आते हैं 

तो मैं उन्हे मरने देती हूँ। 

न पानी में डालना, न नमक, 

न दांडी आढ़ी काटना 

सब टोटके आते हैं

पर उनको मरने देना 

जल्द से जल्द 

मुझे अधिक सहृदय लगता है। 

***************** 

When i get flowers 

I let them die 

No putting in water 

no salt, no diagonal cutting of the stalks 

i know all these tips

but letting them die

as quickly as possible 

feels kinder.