This embedded sadism

"औरत को बांध कर मारना चाहिए। फिर वो कहीं नहीं भाग सकती।" - अमृता प्रीतम की कहानी "मैं सब जानता हूँ" में ठेकेदार ने ये बात कही थी। और कल, फेस्बूक पर एक औरत ने यही बात लिखी। 

ये बात सच है। बच्चों वाली औरत बच्चों को छोड़ कर कहीं नहीं भाग सकती। फेस्बूक वाली औरत ने लिखा, "पर एक दिन, अगर मैं मुंह खोल दूँ तो?" 

मैं उस औरत को बताना चाहती थी, कि मुंह खोलने से दिन शांत हो जाते हैं और रातें और भी काली। 

पर मैंने कुछ नहीं लिखा। हर औरत की रस्सी भी अलग होती है, और उसकी गांठों का कसाव भी अलग। 

मुझे तकलीफ इस सोच से है, कि एक इंसान को बांध कर मारने की इच्छा है। उस इच्छा का होना भर ही मुझे समझ नहीं आता। 

इस सोच में, बच्चे प्रेम का प्रतीक नहीं होते। औरत को बांधने वाली रस्सियाँ होते हैं - जो बच्चों को कभी नहीं होना चाहिए। 

********* 

"A woman who is tied before she is hit is not able to run away. You should tie a woman down with children before hitting her." - This was a line in a short story by Amrita Pritam. 

And last week, this was written by a woman on Facebook. 

It is true. Women with children cannot run from bad marriages as easily. That is why men have suicides and women have autoimmune disorders. We cannot die. 

The poster on Facebook wrote, "But what if I were to open my mouth one day..?" 

I wanted to tell that woman that it won't change anything. It might make the days more peaceful but the nights will become darker and more unpredictable. 

But my issue is not with the comment, or the possibility of opening the mouth. My issue is with the core thought process that wants to tie up another human being and beat them. With embedded sadism that is so mainstream that it finds acceptance in our daily conversations!!! 

In this destructive thought process, children are not a symbol of love or union. They are tools of manipulation. Ropes that bind a victim and make her helpless. And children should never be that. 

I want to call out this embedded sadism. But don't know how. 

Dowry Deaths in India: The role of the parents

Growing up in Hyderabad, I used to open the newspaper to the crime page and read daily reports of women who had either died, or had committed suicide as a result of "stomach ache."


In some cases, there were clear reports of burning women to death. On average, there were 2-3 such reports every day.


On growing older, I wondered, if there are 3 reported deaths per day in one city, how many would there be all over the country? NCRB answered that question - roughly one dowry death every hour in India. Consistently. Since 2001, that number(deaths per hour) has not crossed 2.




What is the problem?


Dowry Deaths in India from 2001 to 2016 Source: NCRB data

I have added a Trend Line to the graph so we can clearly see the DIRECTION of the crime. In 2014, the worst year yet, a woman lost her life to dowry every 52 minutes.


This is not going to be a post about the causes of dowry. We all know the causes of dowry deaths.


What can we do to stop dowry deaths?
Here is what you need to consider - of the literally THOUSANDS of cases that I have read over the years (all the way from 1988), not ONE has happened right after the marriage. All deaths, every single one of them, is preceded by abuse. Months and years of abuse. Abuse that the woman almost always reports to her family.


There is a separate legal clause that deals with harassment for dowry.


The ratio of abuse to death cases ranges from 13:1 to 10:1. For every woman who is killed, at least 9 to 12 other women suffer dowry related abuse - so much that they make a formal complaint.


This is what makes one angry:


The parents, in every single case, turn a blind eye to the plight of the woman. The dowry death happens in the marital home. If you know your daughter is being abused or harassed for dowry, what is she doing in her marital home?


If a parent endangers the life of their daughter by forcing her to stay in a physical space where it is known that she is in danger, should the said parents not be prosecuted? In suicide, this is abetment to suicide. In murder, this is being a complicit accomplice.


I honestly feel that there should be a change in the law. Parents who ignore a daughter's plea related to dowry abuse, should be prosecuted. They should not be the petitioners. They should be the co-accused. How can you put your own child in almost certain danger, and then cry hoarse when that danger comes true?


Counter - For every woman who dies, 9 to 12 do not. They continue to live in their marital homes. So if the daughter raises an alarm, should she be removed from that danger?


If you were a husband or in law abusing a girl for dowry, would you stop, if you knew that the girl will be removed from the marital home AND there will be a police complaint against you? Yes, I think that a lot of men will stop then. Because dowry harassment is bullying. And in its most fundamental form, bullying is an act of cowardice that cannot stand up to courage. In the face of courage, it wilts and succumbs.


Yes, the problem and the solution are not that simple. But I simply cannot find a way to forgive parents who allow their daughters to remain in danger in their marital homes and then cry hoarse when the girl dies.


The problem is with the perpetrators. But the perpetrators are not just the people who commit the crime. The definition of "perpetrator" must be expanded to include the people who, through passive complicity, allow the crime to happen and in fact, create conditions that give the perpetrator the courage to take the step from harassment to abuse to murder. There were no consequences for what was done earlier. Why should one fear consequences for this? (At a conviction rate of 34%, the absence of fear is completely justified, but that's for another day)


I don't usually agree with Gandhi, but this one: "The criminal commits the crime, the society prepares it." , can be completely translated to "The in laws commit the crime, the parents prepare it."

On being a vote bank

There are a lot of communities - in India and around the world, that believe in voting en masse - as a group, because they are a "vote bank" and they truly believe that this will give them bargaining power with the politicians. 


Here is what you need to read:


It is the need of the politician to ensure that  a vote bank remains a vote bank. Which makes it important that there is little development in this category. The minute development or even relative prosperity happens, you stop being a vote bank.


It is important to keep a vote bank a vote bank. Poverty necessitates that and false promises effect that. If any people in the vote bank get rich, they will stop voting as a group.
So the first condition for a politician to retain a vote bank, is to ensure that they remain poor and in need, so that they vote as a group, not as individuals with individual needs.
If you vote as a vote bank, you are, in effect, signing your own poverty warrant.


The Parsis are not a vote bank. The Sikhs are not a vote bank. The Jains are not a vote bank. Think about that.


Now, think about the state of people who have voted as a vote bank. In 70 years, not ONE of these groups has been able to step out of their existing domain.


Unfortunately, this is true of EVERY vote bank, all over the world. If you are a vote bank, it is time to step out of that and become a voter.

Loneliness, and Investment in not being lonely

What is the problem?

With 3 celebrity suicides, the world is currently focusing on depression, mental health and allied issues. But long before these happened, I have also seen loneliness become almost an epidemic.

And I have been thinking deeply about it. Where does it begin? How do we get lonely in a world full of people?

It is, I think, basically this - deep connections are hard work. They need a lot of repair and revival. They need a lot of conscious effort. But they are not necessary on a day to day basis. On a day to day basis, shallow 'positive strokes' that come from other places - office, for instance, or buddy lunches, or conferences and events, are quite enough. We only realise that we are lonely after a few years. But by then, it is too late. We are not able to trace the cause back to fundamental absence of deep human connect. And then begins the downward spiral into depression.

The picture above is the first part of a sketch note. I wondered why, on a day to day basis, we find more gratification in our offices than in our homes. All of us know that in office, we are just cogs in a wheel, but at home, we are the centres of an entire universe. Yet, across gender, age and level, most people find more gratification in office interactions than in family ones.

Why does it happen?

After thinking a lot, I could isolate 3 major reasons:

A. Instant Gratification / Minor Appreciations - Finish a report? You get a micro compliment. Helped a colleague? A minor positive stroke is immediate. There are tonnes of instant gratification moments in a work day. These include everything from the smile of the tea boy to appreciation from a senior.

B. Sense of tangible achievement: Everything from the annual PMS to minor tasks that are "Complete" - give a sense of accomplishment. No such luck at home. Leaky pipes, faulty switches, dirty dishes give no sense of tangible achievement.

C. Novelty and Variety:  A family has perhaps 10 stakeholders - including the gardener and the milk vendor. The office, by contrast, offers twice that number at least. Further, there are groups and sub groups, and an opportunity to do gossip. There is variety of both stakeholders and interactions.



Suppose I want to change that. What can I do?

A. Instant Gratification: "Good Morning" , "This is good" - common courtesies and small compliments(aka Positive strokes) that are so basic to office behavior need to be re-introduced to the house. With positive strokes, instant gratification will return to our lives.

B. Sense of Tangible Achievement: 2 ways -

1. Create goals as a family  and track their progress. "We will take a foreign holiday next year.", "I will score above 80 in science this year end." , "I will lose 10 kilos of weight." And needless to add, in tracking those goals, build each other, don't run each other down. Don't laugh at failures, and don't equate the failure of the initiative with the person.

2. Simple, but powerful - play games as a family. Don't underestimate the power of winning and the lessons of losing.

C. Experiences: This can be done in 2 ways -

1. Widen your social network - grandmother's friend, the neighbour, wife's childhood buddy - open your heart and calendar to get to know the social circle of all family members, widening your own horizon in the process.

2. Share experiences that anyone in the family likes. One person likes adventure holidays, all of us go. Another likes the hills, all of us go. Wider social networks and more varied shared experiences will provide the variety that is the spice of life. Of course, when you see the happiness on their face, that will make it all worthwhile too. 

And finally, here is the complete sketch note. It took me weeks to think this up and a whole day to make (yeah I am kind of slow that way)


Dealing with loneliness with the help of families

Why do we need a Women's Day?

This Women's Day, for the children's paper, I decided to take a question head on - Do we need a Women's Day? The first Women's Day was celebrated in 1909. Have we travelled far enough now to make the day redundant?
This is the cover story that appeared in the children's paper today.


Should people be paid different salaries for the same job, if they are doing it equally well? As Monster India found out, for the same job, women are usually paid only 80 rs where their male colleagues are paid 100 rs. At senior levels (more than 11 years experience) this gap was even more
stark – if a man is being paid 100 rs, a woman doing the same job would be paid only 75 rs.

Not only that, according to a report released by the World Bank, Unemployment rate is much higher among women.

School enrolment (sending children to school), both primary school (Junior school) and senior/secondary school, is almost on par, at 91.7% for girls and 92.9% for boys. 

The other good number is Life Expectancy.
Life expectancy means, if a child is born in a place today, how long that child can hope to live. The life expectancy for India is 68.5. It is 66.9 for males and 69.9 for females. While this is nowhere near the World No. 1 Rank – Japan (Females: 86.8; Males: 80.5, overall, 83.7), it is still steady progress over the last few decades.

Another important ratio that we need to look at is the gender ratio. Ideally, there should be equal number of men and women in a population. But India and China are 2 countries where there are much fewer girls than boys. There are many reasons for this. Most of those reasons are social in nature.
In 1951, India had 946 girls for every 1000 boys. In 2011, that number was 943 girls per 1000 boys. The last census was conducted in 2011.
However, a government report was released in 2017, which takes data from registered births. This report puts the gender ratio at 881 per 1000 boys in 2015. Registered births are births that are registered with the government and a birth certificate is issued to the child. Even though it is necessary, not everyone gets a birth certificate for their child.

Now, let’s take a look at the decision making power of women. A very good measurement used by the World Bank is the number of women in parliament – the highest law making body in India.

This value went from 9% in 2000 to 12% in 2016. For every 100 men, there are 90 women in the country. Which means that 47% of the country is women. But their representation in the parliament is only 12%.

Do women own property?
Let’s come back to that earlier number – 47% of all people in India are women. But only 24% of the property in villages, and only 19% of the property in cities, is owned by women. 

Do you think that more women are now working to earn money? You may want to think again. Since 2005, the number of women who are working outside the house to earn money, has been going down consistently.


I started creating this post with a simple question in mind – Is it really that different, being a woman and a man, in a progressive country like India? In making this report, I have read at least 50 indicators (and shared some of them with you). So here is the conclusion: Whether you will live to see your 5th birthday, whether you will be sent to school, whether you will get enough food to eat, whether you will grow up to work and earn money, and how much money you will earn for doing the same job – EVERYTHING depends on whether you are a man or a woman. It is everyone’s business to ensure that we create a country where these differences do not exist. And we look up to the children to make the change that sadly, our generation could not make.


Sources
1. http://datatopics.worldbank.org/gender/country/india
2. http://www.mospi.gov.in/publication/women-and-men-india-2017
h3. ttp://www.financialexpress.com/economy/women-in-india-earn-20-percent-less-than-men-says-monster-report/1090541/

The Right to Self Determination

So, this is a post that has been in the making for a long time.
Suppose this is how things happened:


If you did not want to go on living, you could make a formal application to that effect. If you have a reason like terminal illness or untreated depression et al, you can state that. Otherwise, you just mention that you want to go. To give this application, you must be above 18 years of age and should be of sound mind.


You have a waiting period of 6 months. For at least 2 consecutive months in these 6, you have to be in therapy actively.


IF, at the end of 6 months, your decision is unchanged, you make a living will to indicate what happens to your mortal remains and also a formal will to put your affairs in order.


Then, in a dignified and legal manner, you go. There is no need to attempt violent methods, no need to hide like a criminal and no need to feel guilty or isolated. If your family and friends are able to, they can be there to share the moment with you.


These are the risks with this approach:


A. The universal issue with self determination - when is it coercion or persuasion? Esp in matters of property etc?
To that, my response is, that such people are already put through enough mental and physical torture. Just giving them that provision is not going to increase the greed of the people around them. Today, such people are subject to unspeakable abuse. Elderly abuse is a separate issue. It continues to find avenues of expression. Some of them take away even this rightful self determination right.


B. What if someone changes their mind mid way?
In this case, it is far more possible for them to indicate this last minute change than in the other, secret, violent ways.


And here is what I think this will do:
1. End all those emotional blackmail episodes of "I will kill myself."
- I personally know of so many people who live under this threat of someone committing suicide and blaming them. I know it is a bluff, a weak emotional blackmail that is never going to be executed.  The minute it becomes possible to put an application, half that bluff will be called.


2. Make it possible for people to talk about depression, end of life thoughts and other things that need help, not censure.
There is no spur of the moment decision. You are promised non criminal passage. SO you are likely to put an application and wait. You are free to talk about it.  You can avoid stupid, violent, and potentially maiming accidents that come from spur of the moment or ill informed decisions related to "methods."
No one censures you. We are able to have conversations that listen, not just preach. We are able to train ourselves to listen and understand, rather than preach and blame and worst of all, patronise.These are conversations that need to happen from one adult to another.


3. End the violence in secret suicide "methods"


4. If you are a child under 18, and you know that you can put in an application and not be treated like a criminal, you are more likely to wait it out. 


5. Most importantly, we have to understand one thing. In the Western tradition, the concept of time is linear. Once you die, you are gone. In the Indian tradition, death is not a dirty word. It is merely the opening of a door. Our concept of time is cyclical. Even 2 generations ago, people spoke about passing on with their family as their time drew near. The families understood and supported this passage. Today, that vital understanding is rubbished by doctors who convince us to use medicines, drugs and other methods simply to prolong life - as if prolonging life was an end unto itself. It is not. Even today, the passing of a person who has seen extended family is celebrated, not mourned. If you go to rural India, you will see a much more accepting view of death. That view makes it possible for people to treat dying as a natural consequence of living, and not a traumatic experience that must be avoided at all costs.


Disclaimer: Yes, I have been a part of the people who are left behind after a suicide. I have gone through the guilt and the constant wondering and the non stop "Why?". I KNOW what its like to be in the immediate circle. But I also know what happens when we change the conversations. When we focus on the will of the person and not on the will of other people around them. When we talk of passing as a loving moment and not a tragic moment. It happened with my father - one week before he actually did pass. It meant a lot to him that I just UNDERSTOOD that he wanted to go. It meant a lot to me to give him that understanding.


The right to live includes the right to die. And no one should be made to feel like a criminal for that. Self determination is an important thing for a civil, free society.

Note to self

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2017/07/30-things-people-dont-realize-youre-doing-because-you-actually-have-self-respect-now/

New Taxation that I would like to see

Everyone is saying that Income Tax rates are too high. I agree. I believe it is time to move from individual earning taxation to taxing on the basis of the burden an individual puts on the ecosystem.


So these are the 2 taxes I want:
1. Children Tax: The state allows you to have 2 children. You want more than that, you better be able to afford them and compensate for their carbon footprint on the world.


There's more: In a Christian wedding, before you get married, you have to undergo mandatory counselling in the church. I believe this is an excellent way to prepare people for life changes. There should be a mandatory mental fitness test that parents should have to pass before they have children. This will put an end to people who have kids just to get rid of pesky relatives. If you don't have it in you to be responsible for a child for 18 years, then please don't have children.


While adoptive parents have to prove a thousand things, the State takes no measures to ensure the safety and well being of biologically born children. If a couple is not fit to be a parent - they should not be allowed to have children. Because children are a nation's collective resource. And no child should be abused or ignored by indifferent parenting. Parenting is not a right or a fertility contest. Its a responsibility. If you can't take it, have the courage to tell your families. And to yourself.


2. Trash Tax: A person should be taxed on the basis of how much trash they generate. Commercial establishments too. This will ensure that 5 star hotels start serving their guests water in glass tumblers instead of generating plastic waste for every 200 ml of water their guests drink. This will ensure that people think before they buy. A mindful consumer will be rewarded in this way and the environment will be automatically better. Amazon will start shipping in containers that actually match the product being shipped. And people will learn to not waste food. If you do not do waste segregation at source, you should have to pay extra because someone else has to do it for you.


The Trash Tax will reduce consumerism, and therefore, will be bitterly opposed by the major companies of the world. I think it is time we decided, as a species, which we need more - the world, or the  growth of the companies.


The world has enough for our need, not enough for our greed. - This quote is usually attributed to Gandhi.

Disilusioned? Ignore that cacophony!

From 1930 to 1947, a gradual, but definite radicalisation was done. This radicalisation took in its fold rational intellectuals like Allama Iqbal (who went from translating the Gayatri Mantra to insisting on offering namaaz at a converted cathedral) and Md. Ali Jinnah(who went from being staunchly anti Pakistan in 1936 to being the Qaid-e-azam of Pakistan) - people who had grown up in cosmopolitan surroundings, had friends from all faiths and nationalities.


Even they were converted to radicalism by this paranoia of "Muslims cannot co exist with Hindus without living in perpetual fear." As a result of this, not one but 2 separate and new countries were created, for Muslims to live in peace, without fear and with freedom to practice their religion.


It has now been 70 years. History has seen the result of the 2 theories - that Muslims will live in fear in a Hindu country, and that Muslims will live well in a country of their own.


Today, I see the replay of that paranoia. I hear the same cacophony that played from 1930 to 1947. So, as a survivor of 1947, here is my humble request to you:


If you feel that Muslims are not secure or free to live as they please in India, please understand that this is not a new or original thought. With exactly this fear in mind, Jinnah has created 2 countries for Muslims to live free and happy. All you need to do is, prepare your citizenship papers, then go to the country of your choice, and tell them, "My forefathers made a mistake when they decided to continue living in India. Jinnah was right. Muslims cannot live in a Hindu India without fearing for their life and belief. Please don't punish me for the wrong decision of my grandparents. I need to join the dream that Jinnah saw for us."


But please, do NOT poison the air that we breathe. Because when I turn off your cacophony and look around me, I see Muslim craftsmen making Jain marble temples. I see maids saying "Didi I wont come tomorrow, its my Eid, and the Hindu didi putting enough money to cover the Eidi of all the maid's children. I see a national Muslim body saying they will sing Saare Jahaan se accha instead of Vande Mataram, and no one batting an eyelid.


This poison is worse than you can imagine in your wildest dreams. It killed millions of people in a gory, bloody journey, displaced millions, created orphans and widows who didn't care about religion in the first place. Just honest men and women concerned with earning their daily bread. My family went through this and By God , I do not want to go through this again. So please, unless you can control the consequences of your short term power hunger(and you cannot): SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Gentle reminder for the day..

जहां सफाई, वहां खुदाई


Cleanliness is Godliness...

On Work Life Balance - The story of the scientist

Once, there was a scientist. He was brilliant at his work and it kept him very very busy. He was at his work all  the time - late nights, weekends, everything. This scientist spent no time with his family at all.


One day, his wife left him. He was very distraught and could not understand why. So he called her, and she told him that she had left him because he never had any time for her and the child, being forever busy with the work.
He was very sad to hear it.


After she left, he realised how hard it was to do the simple things in a house - to keep it clean, to have 3 meals on the table, to just sleep at night - alone. When he had returned from work, he had just assumed that his wife and child would be there, so when he went to sleep, he was not alone in the house. Even if he never spoke to them, he realised now how much their presence meant.


After a few days, he was very sad and lonely. It was impossible to both keep house and maintain his work. So he decided to make amends and called his wife again. He told her that he would change now, spend more time at home. That he had learnt his lesson. Could she and the child please come back?


The wife replied, "It is not what you do, my darling. Over the years, I have realised, this is who you are. It is not something you do deliberately. As a personality, you value your work above all else. If I come back, you will make efforts for a few days, but will eventually go back to being who you really are. No my dear, it is best that you live with that which matters to you - your work." And so saying, she refused to come home.


He was very sad after this talk and just could not concentrate on work. His colleague saw him sad and asked what had happened. He told him everything and then said, "The thing is, my wife is right. I am inherently like that. I do love my work above all else. But I also miss my family a lot. I don't know what to do."


The friend then said, " Let us say that you plant 2 trees at the same time. You have a limited amount of water and manure each day.  If you give all of your water and manure to one tree, it will grow big and strong and definitely taller and bigger than all other trees around it planted at the same time. But the other tree will wilt within a short time and die away. Then you cannot bring it back.


If you divide your water and manure among the 2 trees, they will both grow only moderately, you will never touch the heights that you could have touched with either, but they will both be in your garden.


This is a decision that we all have to make. If we pay no attention to the family, we can reach great heights in our careers, because our time and attention is the water and manure that we have every day. If we do work life balance, we must do so with the conscious idea that we will not win Nobel prizes in our profession so easily. But we will have a family to go home to.


Everyday, that water and manure - our time and attention, must be divided between the 2 trees. But most importantly, you must know,  that the trees are exactly the way you want them to be. It is, my friend, time for you to make a decision. If you want to rise to great heights in your career, you must abide by the decision of your wife - because she is right. And if you want your family, you must know, right now, that it will be wise to sacrifice some of your ambition. You will see some of your colleagues outshine you. And you must not regret or grudge them their success or ambition, for you have traded happily, the place on the podium for a place by the hearth. It must be a conscious decision - one that you take for yourself, and not one that is taken for you.  Your wife has taken a decision once for you. Don't let that happen again. Go home and think. "


With these words, the colleague left the scientist. The scientist came home and thought. All of that night and all of the next day he thought.
That night, he called his wife again. He spoke to her at length, and by next morning, she had come home with the child.


The scientist and his family were happy this time. They lived together for many years. Finally, the son grew up. He studied, and started earning his own living. It was then time for him to get married. He fell in love with a very smart young lady, and announced the decision to his parents. His parents welcomed the idea and the young lady into their home.


That night, the scientist took his son aside, and said, "There is something I must share with you. You do know that there are 2 pots in the garden that I always take care of myself. No matter how large the garden or how small, no gardener is allowed to touch my 2 plants. You have often asked me the secret of my fascination for those 2 plants. I will tell you today. It is not the plants. It is the pots that house those plants.


Many years ago, your mother left me because I had no time for you and her. When I pleaded with her to come back, she reminded me, that I was not busy at work so as to avoid her. This is who I was. And I would do it again. She was right, of course. Your mother always is. So one night, I brought these 2 tiny saplings home. I told her, that I was going to nurture both those plants. Every morning, I would water them the same way that I had divided my time between home and work the previous day. So if I had ignored my family for a day because of an important thing at work, I ignored the family plant entirely the next morning. On a good day, I would come home on time and spend time teaching you, asking her about her day and telling her about mine. On such a day, I would water and nurture both plants equally. On the weekends, I would not work. And then, I would not nurture or weed the work plant either.


In this way, the minute a plant starts to wilt, I will know that that aspect of my life needs attention. If one plant was not flourishing, I would know before any real harm came to my life. Over the years, those plants have been my daily reminders, companions and guides. When you get married, remember to plant such saplings, so that you and your wife always remember that a family needs attention too. That is the secret of my 2 plants, and why I wouldn't let any gardener interfere with those 2 pots."


The son was amazed to hear this. He had never imagined that 2 pots could mean so much to his father. Or to anyone. He had no idea that he really needed to work on being a family. He thought it just happened on its own. Then he reflected upon his own hours at work, and smiled. He was his father's son all right. He was going to need the 2 pots of his own.

We don't live in a world of circumstances

How many times have you heard people complain about other people? Things? The government?

Today, give it a shot and count. Chances are, we hear complaints at least 100 times a day. With friends, from teachers, on social media, in the traffic.

Now, take another survey. How many times in a day do you hear – “I am going to change this in myself to make that better.” I haven’t heard that in ages.

When I was very young, I went to my grandfather with a complaint. He listened to me and then asked, “Very well. What are you going to do to change that?”

“Me? But I am only a little person!”

“But you are one person, and you are affected. What are you going to do to change that?”

On that day, a transformation happened. That day, I stopped complaining, and started asking the question, “What am I going to do to change that?”

Think about that around you – are you going to stop taking shortcuts to your tuition class? Are you going to start doing your homework so that the teacher doesn’t have to be rude?

We often think that we live in a world of circumstances. We don’t. We live in a world of possibilities.

India is not Hindu, and Hindu is not India

Dear Intelligentsia,

Let's take a 5 minute lesson in vocabulary.

India: A LAND, a place which has unbroken history for over 4000 years at least. Needless to add, the cultural tradition is deep, chequered and rich.

Hinduism: A RELIGION which, according to the popular history still taught in Indian schools, is not native to India and was brought from Central Asia by an invading population called the Aryans.

The known history of India predates the invaders by at least 1500 years and since 400 BC - The Rise of Buddhism, and 790 AD, the first Arab Invasion of Sindh, this history is multicultural and owes its evolution to practitioners of many religions.

Everything that is Indian is not Hindu. Let's take a minute to understand the following common mistakes of identification:

Classical Dance: Indian

Ganesha Stuti: Hindu

Classical Music - both Carnatic and Hindustani - Indian

Saraswati Vandana: Hindu

Yoga: Indian

Gayatri Mantra: Hindu

Sanskrit: Indian

Vishnu: Hindu

Vande Mataram: National Song of India

Om Jai Jagdish Hare: Hindu

Arithmetic: Indian

Vishnu Sahastranama: Hindu

Ayurveda: Indian

Mahamrityunjay Mantra: Hindu

Arthashastra: Indian

Suprabhatams: Hindu

When in doubt, ask yourself, "Does it pertain to Hinduism?" If the answer is no, it is not Hindu.

And now, if you will please stop labelling everything Indian as the Charge of the Saffron Brigade, I will be very grateful. And happy to note that you definitely passed your Class 6 History exam. Thank you.

Constitutional Reforms that India Urgently Needs

As a citizen, this is the manifesto of Constitutional Reforms that I demand:

• Reservations

Reservations are limited to education, and ending at higher education. No reservations for jobs, promotions etc are to be allowed. We can and will provide opportunities for Upskilling. But you need to be qualified to do the job itself.

Reservations are NOT applicable to a family where:
       1. One or both parents already have/ have had a job that was the result of reservation.
       2. The combined income of the family is over 10 lakhs per annum. Limit to be revised every 2 years.
      3. The child does not meet the minimum qualification criteria for admission.
     

• State and Religion

India is a SECULAR state. Which means that the State is not a participant in the religious beliefs of the population. Accordingly:

1. All state subsidies and benefits should be immediately withdrawn from all bodies that purport any religious affiliation at all. There should be a constitutional  provision against ever re introducing any state benefit/ subsidy/ preferential treatment / affirmative action that is even remotely connected to religion, caste or any other social means of discrimination.

         2. The fields for "Religion" should be removed from all govt forms except the census and identity ones. No one should need to indicate their religion to get medical attention, school admission etc. The country cannot report on the religion based coverage of education, jobs etc.

         3. The country will have a common civil code. All religion based legislation to be voided.

         4. Any religious body that issues a "Voting Advisory" in the form of Farmaan, Fatwa, Guidance, or any other format, will be liable for criminal prosecution. Every voter is enjoined to vote according to their own intellect and no one should be able to persuade this decision. If the said body is a "Society" or "Trust" or other NGO organisation registered in India, the registration will be cancelled after 2 violations.

         5. Any candidate who is found to be soliciting votes, either formally or informally, on grounds of religion, caste or other social discrimination bases, will be summarily disqualified and will face a 10 year ban on fighting any elections in the Republic of India. A repeat violation will ensure a lifetime ban. For this, informal conversations, recorded through stealth recording, are permissible evidence and will invite action.

• The Voter's Responsibility

             1. Voting is a constitutional obligation. Anyone who abstains from their duty to vote for over 8 months, or for 2 elections of any level, will automatically have their Aadhar Card and Election Card cancelled. The PAN card will then be picked up for scrutiny, to ascertain that the said voter is a resident of India, and has not moved out of the country.

            2. Before voting, the voter will have to answer 5 questions about the manifesto of one of the candidates. The questions can be answered in writing or audio, by pressing an option button. The voter must answer at least 2 out of these 5 correctly to be eligible to vote. It is a part of the constitutional obligation to read manifestoes and vote accordingly.

• The Citizen's Responsibility

1. The state will NOT sponsor free education, medical support, ration card(subsidised food) for more than two children per household. If you want to have more children, earn enough to clothe and feed them.

2. Where a child is found to be in child labour while still living with his/her parents, the parents will be prosecuted for neglect and child abuse.  It is the responsibility of the parent to ensure that the children are sent to state sponsored schools or at least kept out of the workforce, are adequately clothed and are kept in a secure environment. If a parent is found negligent in protecting the Child's Rights, they will be entitled to criminal prosecution, because a parent is supposed to be the cocoon of safety that a child has. All children will immediately be put in state care.

If you are my child..

I want you to always remember this:
1. I love you to bits. But I will make a good human being out of you yet.
2. Discipline is only as important as the air you breathe.
3. Work hard.
4. Remember that the most important thing is - how did you make that person feel. That's all they will remember.
5. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.
6. Once every 24 hours, Saraswati is sitting on your tongue, to make an utterance come true.
7. Work hard.
8. There is no substitute for personal discipline. You will thank me later.
9. naam Japo, wand chako, kirat karo.
10. Stay Grounded.
11. Value the person, not his clothes.
12. The world doesn't owe u anything.
13. Be Kind.
14. Always respect ppl who love u.
15. Plant a tree.
16. Smile. Often.
17. Look up at the sky. Now repeat.
18. Do pranayama everyday.
19. Learn to write your thoughts. Then, later in life, when you are confused and don't know how you feel, open your diary/phone/laptop, and start writing. It will all make sense.(PS: This last one is a life hack)
20. Don't be with people who don't make you feel positive. It doesn't matter how important they are.
21. Your self worth comes from you. It doesn't come from your salary, your spouse, or your education. It comes from YOU.
22. You can always do SOMETHING. You just can't think of it right now. But the options exist.
23. Mansa, Vacha, Karmana.. - Your thoughts, your words, your actions.
 

Restrictive Trade Practice at Hospitals in India

Soo.. I have been thinking of this for a while, and now want to ask - What makes hospitals retain patient records? When you are admitted, you are not allowed to see your own file. Why is that?

The way I see it, the only person who owns their health papers, is the patient. They are adults with sound mental capacity. They are perfectly capable of taking decisions. The only obligation of the hospital is to provide sound medical advice.

Hospitals retaining any papers at the time of discharge is not just a violation of the patient's privacy, it is also a Restrictive Trade Practice under the MRTP Act, 1970.

So, why would hospitals do such a thing?

We really, really dont give a damn!

I did  a poll on facebook for my male friends.. the poll was:

So, this question is being asked in all seriousness.. and the poll is only for my male friends. When you get dressed in the morning for work(or in the evening for a social event), how many times do you wonder what the women on the street are going to think when they see you?
A. WTF! I don't think of what anyone will think. I dress for the occasion.
B. Once maybe.
C. About 3-4 times. I then adjust my dress n go out looking appropriately dressed.

D. All the time! I even wonder whether I am showing too much skin.

Most of them answered with A. Someone said the answer choices should read: A. Whatever is on top. B. Whatever the hell my wife/daughter wants me to wear.. and so on.

The next day, I wrote this:
 

***************
Dear Friends: Thank you for validating the idea that when we dress up for the day, or the evening, we do NOT think about what women on the street will think of us. The only approvals we seek are from our family or those who are important to us. But before that, the only approval we seek is our own.
It might come as a surprise to you that women do the EXACT same thing.
So, when we wear short clothes, it might come as a surprise of some sort that we do it for ourselves. If you... find that offensive, or "asking for it" - Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Some of you might want to think that women are this male obsessed sub species that thinks all the time about how some random on road character is interpreting her dress, so it will come as a huge shock to you - the people we spend the most time thinking of, is our families. And friends. We don't think about other people. AT ALL. Just like you.
If you are on my friends list, chances are, that you already believe this. It is now time to go out there and have conversations that indicate to other men that women really, really, don't give a damn about what strangers think.

Why money is called Maya in Indian culture

It is very good to make money. Money is important. Money lets you do things you truly want to do, and not just the things you have to do. Money allows us to focus on things we want to focus on. It gives us the luxury of leisure. Money makes it possible for us to spend more time with our loved ones.

But there does come a time, when money stops being the lubricant in the hand, and starts being the noose around the neck. One of the most important self realisations you will have, is to know that point. And one of the best decisions you will take, is to stand at that point, look money straight in the eye, and say, "Bas! Enough."

That point is different for different people. Different things make different people happy. And its very possible that the persistent pursuit of money does make some ppl happiest of all. But when I interact further with them, I realise that they are not really deriving satisfaction out of more money. They are trying to fill up an emptiness with the most handy material. And because you cannot stuff rocks in a water bucket without leaving gaps, this solution works for a limited period in some cases.

But the ones who do find that point and say, "Stop. Enough" and turn back to enjoy their lives in the current state, aspiring for things that fulfil them, and freeing themselves up. You will find that they are happy.

I don't think I have explained myself well. There is a reason why Money is called Maya in Indian culture. Maya means "Illusion". Like a magician's trance, it bewitches us, but only for as long as we want it to.

Nakhuda to Khuda kaha hai to phir, doob jaao khuda khuda na karo..

So, I'm just curious.. exactly what were you expecting after voting for the CM of the most polluted state in India, one who has publicly come to power with industry money, with the backing of the RSS.. what were u expecting? A man who concealed his own legal marriage for only 17 years was expected to respect women?

On the eve of the polls, I wrote "I have never seen a democracy so eager to vote ...a dictator to power."

Those of you protesting rapes, and lawlessness and religious bigotry and continued inflation and .. PUHLEEEZ!! Please spare me the tyranny of having to hear how things are not mutually exclusive and how he is still the best choice and how he is anyway responsible for all sections of the country..

When you voted, I just said that we agree to disagree on political views and that was that. As you have made your bed, so you must lie in it. Please do not make me lose respect for you by now denouncing the very choice that you were promoting merely a few months ago.

I have always maintained that in this country, the most corrupt is the voter, because he sells the country for a bottle of country wine, or over a drawing room conversation. the voter sells his responsibility to his country for a little bit of convenience, a little internet bandwidth. You had a choice, you based it on propaganda. What use was your education? What use your google skills, which you would have employed even for your college assignment, but didn't employ when it was time to do your ONLY patriotic duty.

If that was a strong statement, I am not sorry.

Dr. KK Sethi, Dr. Pradeep Mathur, Dr. Nikhil Kumar and a mother lost.

Please take out some time to read this.
People are asking my family and I, "what had happened?". Let me answer that for you today. November 10th, My mom had bee...n complaining that she was suffering from a minor chest pain. My family took her, for her profile tests, to the hospital. The reports said that she was going through an angina episode and should get admitted immediately. Mom was admitted at DELHI HEART AND LUNG INSTITUTE - PANCHKUIAN ROAD. Doctors had said that they have to perform an angiography to see if she had any blockage in her arteries. As soon as that was done, they told her that she had 90% blockage and should get operated asap. There were two options, either an angioplasty or a bypass surgery. As she was a type 2 diabetic patient, since the past 17 years, doctors said that a bypass would get too risky. Thinking for her benefit, my family encouraged her to get the angioplasty done. They put 2 stents in her arteries, so that the blood could flow through her arteries, to her heart. They changed her medication and discharged her.
As the months passed by, All of us were getting worried. Her breathlessness, which should have been gone, had increased. Her blood sugars were fluctuating, more to the higher side.
In April, I got back from Canada, earlier, so i could get her treated asap. A week back, we took her to go get her blood tests done, which had shown that her kidneys were now getting deteriorated and her glycosylated haemoglobin had exceeded to a great extent.
Although, she was physically and mentally stable, looking at the condition of her kidneys, we were worried to find out what was actually going on with her, we got her admitted to one of the finest known hospitals in Delhi - FORTIS GURGAON.
After showing her history, the doctors had told us, that she had not needed an angioplasty in November, as there was less blockage and medication would have treated her. We were told that the diabetologist in november had prescribed her with the wrong medication and insulins that led to her kidneys getting deteriorated and uncontrollable sugar levels.
Later on, the doctors asked to get her admitted to control her sugar levels and were demanding for her to get another angiography.
We got her admitted on Wednesday night to get her sugar levels in control. Due to unprofessionalism, the nurses gave her the wrong insulin and kept delaying the rest of her medication. That was the first sign of medical negligence. Mom had kept telling us that she was fine and just wanted to get her kidney functions/sugar levels in control and get out of here. She was scared to get another angiography done. She was hesitant. The next day, the doctors took her in for another angiography, which was "apparently" successful.
Minutes later, she had collapsed. Doctors said that she was going through a cardiac arrest and put her on ventilator. They knew she was dead, i knew she was gone, we all did, but they still took her in for an open heart surgery giving us false hopes that she would survive. They tortured her body, cut her open and god knows what they did to her inside. Right after that, they told us she has 5 hours to become stable otherwise she is gone. After one hour, at 3:27pm. They declared her dead by turning of all the machines.
There was a time when people used to worship doctors. Medical has become a money making business in India now. No one can accuse them of anything because of the rubbish they get signed from us before any operation. A perfectly fine human being was killed by these doctors. They knew she had not needed another angiography as it was risky to her health. Medical negligence!!!

DR. K.K SETHI (DHLI)
DR. PRADEEP MATHUR (DHLI)
DR. NIKHIL KUMAR (FORTIS)
SOME NURSES AT FORTIS HOSPITAL
My mom wanted me to become a successful doctor. I will, just for her and prove to the world that good doctors do exist! Just for my MOM!
Sorry for not replying to any of your messages, i just have no strength or courage, and no words. I am devastated. Thank you for keeping her in your prayers.

-Aashnaa Jolly