Some friendships are like chemistry - lots of fireworks, explosions even, and if among opposite genders, perhaps some chemistry..? 

Some are like physics. Lots of difficult problems that make no sense, and lots to do. 

Some are like Accountancy - always about profit and loss. 

Some are like maths - adding and reducing, multiplying and dividing... but somehow, never really adding up to much. 

Very few are real friendships.. just that.. friendships. 

On marriage.

Marriage is like a roller coaster ride. 

A good marriage is a Ferris wheel ride - you still have the ups and downs, but you know they come and go. Its slower, and hey, there is the view from the top! 

An abusive marriage is like Ghost Ride - all it seeks to do is scare you and take the wits out of you. Even if you enjoy the thrill, that is not the way one lives one's life. 

On love being a plant

If love is a growing plant: 

Constant criticism is its acid rain 

Conversations are its water 

Tender Loving Care is its sunshine 

Integrity is its fence 

Distractions are its weeds. 

Infidelity is the snake who builds a home at its base. 

Friends and Family are its greenhouse gases. 

On Hatred and Dislike

Question: Is so and so responsible for this issue? Answer: In a war, it is the cannonball that wrecks havoc. The soldiers who die see the cannonball. But is the cannonball responsible for the deaths?

Think about the people you hate. Then think - what if they are the cannonball?

Paheli aur hum

वो जो पहेली बचपन में होती थी न - बन्दर एक कुंए  में, रोज़ ३ फुट की छलांग लगाता है और २ फुट नीचे फिसल जाता है. उसे कुंए में से निकलने में कितने दिन लगेंगे? 
- ये पहेली मुझे हमेशा बड़ी हास्यास्पद लगती थी. भला ऐसा  कहीं होता है? बन्दर रोज़ छलांग लगाये, रोज़  फिसले? बन्दर भला कुंए में गिरेगा कैसे? 

आज मुझे समझ आया - ये पहेली सच है. और हम सब, कुंए के बन्दर हैं. सबका कुंआ अलग अलग है - किसी का कुंआ ये भवसागर, किसी का कुंआ १० किलो वज़न. 

रोज़ छलांग लगाने से, २ फुट फिसल कर भी, पिछले दिन से १ फुट ऊपर ही होंगे. और छलांग न लगाने से, २ फुट की फिसलन तो अपने आप हो ही जाएगी। इस कुंवे का कोई तला नहीं होता। १० किलो वज़न ३० किलो बन सकता है, और भवसागर पाप का डेरा। 

हर रोज़, वो ३ फुट की छलांग लगाते रहने से, एक दिन, कुंवे से निकलना निश्चित है - चाहे वो भवसागर हो, या १० किलो वज़न. 

On being a circle and a square..

Circles rarely come together to form a pattern.

Squares, they join together to form a larger pattern, merging into it. Rectangles? They come together to join perfectly with another rectangle, or square. Or a lot of rectangles, and squares.

And people who are chipped from here and protruding from there? They fit other people like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle!

But circles? They can never come together to form a larger circle. They are whole unto themselves. They have no sharp corners, no rough edges, nothing to smooth further.

To be a circle, is to be condemned to a life of loneliness.

On Instinct

This is why you should trust your instinct: Your instinct is this massive AI engine inside your head, with a processing power for which we have not invented a term yet. It is hooked to the giant internet of other energy fields, other people's brains and it takes and processes inputs faster than your senses can acknowledge things. It knows, identifies and processes the micro expressions and the other sensory inputs, combines them with the wisdom gained from its own historical experiences and gives you a directive output.


Its not "intuition." - Its the world's best known super computer at work. And that is why you should listen to your "instinct". Its pure science.


PS: Within a week, two of my contrarian "instincts" have come out to be true. Am waiting for a third to happen. :)

Love: III

I have learnt
that love
is like water
It fills up
whatever it is put into.
It quenches
an ancient, primal thirst
That nothing else can.

4 kos par paani badle, 8 kos par baani..

४ कोस पर पानी बदले, ८ कोस पर बाणी। 


This is an old saying from India that means, literally translated, "The quality of the groundwater will change after every 4 kos (12km app) , and the dialect will change at 8 kos (app 24 km) .


Here is what it means, specifically for the anthropologists:

 The 24 km diameter is a coherent unit of human habitation. Just like they found out that a person cannot have more than 150 "real" friends, someone extapolated that dialect must change beyond a certain point. A coherent, uniform settlement unit will use the same dialect.
 

I have found this one liner very useful when it comes to understanding differences in people - they grew up with different resources (4 kos par paani badle) and with different ideas, ideals and social structures (8 kos par baani)

Software Reboot and types of longing

We upgraded our software
The world and I
After rebooting
we realised
that we are now
incompatible
with each other.


*************


Given the shrinking tolerance I have for the world, when they do it, it will seriously be "mercy" killing for me. :-p
**************


There is the good kind of longing
and the bad kind of longing.
The good kind of longing
has a name, and a face
and therefore, it has a hope
or lack thereof.
Either way
it is certain.


And then there is
the bad kind of longing
which has no words
no face to reflect itself
no name
in short,
nothing
but the longing itself.

Ainve hi...

चाँद और आदमी में , एक बात तो सामान है. अगर बढ़ता नहीं, तो घटता है.


Man and the moon, have one thing in common. If they are not growing, they are shrinking.

Because i am Sherlock and must break everything down to logical bits and definitions..

He: Do you miss me?


She: I don't miss you. I remember you. The frequency at which we meet, is called "memories". Memories are not missed. They are remembered. Habits, are missed. When we remember, we think of you fondly, but we don't want you to be around. Its nice, and its in the past. When we miss, we want you around. Right Then. As if it would somehow make us more alive.


People don't realise that the only variable that moves the pointer from "remembering" to "missing" is the frequency at which our subconscious minds expect an association. In short, "Being There."


So there, now you know, why I don't miss you. I can't.

Today's gratitude

is for this thought:


Write your sorrows in sand, and your gratitude in granite. Leave the sand on the beach and use the granite on your kitchen slab.

Aise hi...

कभी कभी तय करना मुश्किल हो जाता है, कि क्या ज़्यादा है - हमारी दूरी में छिपी करीबियां, या हमारी कुर्बत में बदी दूरियां। 

On Longing..

All our longings can be explained away, but not one can be wished away.


Longings are like thirst. Just as thirst can only be quenched by water, not soda, not juice, the longing cannot be fulfilled by anyone else. Just the person/thing/place we are longing for.


Just because there is intense longing today, doesn't mean that the longing, or even the affection, is for forever. It's for today. It's needed in your life today. The place/thing/group/person does not have to be a part of your future. And that's ok.

Anger and Love

When my son was very young - perhaps around 2 years or so, he used to throw temper tantrums often. So one day I told him, "I know why you get angry. Jab hamari pyaar ki battery down ho jaati hai to vo khali jagah gusse se bharti hai. Come, let me recharge ur pyaar ki battery."

And I used to hug him tight after that. At first, he was zapped. Then, he started hugging back even when he was angry.

Today, we recharge each other's "pyaar ki battery" often. When I am mad at him, he remembers to ask me, "Aapki pyaar ki battery low ho gayi hai na?"

And then I realised, its true for adults too. When the heart is full of love, anger finds no place. When love diminishes, then anger appears - in small doses at first. If we do not recharge the batteries of love, the empty space is taken over by anger.
 

Poetry/ शायरी

शायरी
जैसे मलीहाबाद  के आमों का रस..... 
तुप्का तुपका
ज़बां पर टपके

बूँद बूँद
मीठी हुई जाए है 
वीरानगी
 

love and relationships.. they are not the same thing

We often think that Love and Relationships are the same thing.  Love is like a flowing river - it nourishes, it enhances, and it flows freely. If we dont pollute it with negative things, it will always remain clear. Relationships, on the other hand, are containers. They draw boundaries and put things inside and outside. They confine. By definition, a relationship is like a dam on a river. Thats why they are not the same thing. Dams and containers are necessary. Our misery stems from the fact that we create a container, and look for the river. They are not the same thing. If we remember that we have created a container, we will not look for the unlimited flow of love in it. Like water in a container, love in a relationship needs refreshing, otherwise it can go bad.

Scale

In the crevices of rocks
are lived
many fulfilled lives

In stardust survive
many, many planets.
 

Languages are rivers.. a metaphor

I love languages. I love how they flow, just a little bit different from each other.. I find English confusing and Punjabi intriguing.. Hindi soul nourishing and Gujarati fun, Deccani fantastic and Sanskrit impressive..

Languages are like rivers... they flow on, unmindful of the banks, the villages on the side. When they are polluted, ironically, the only people who suffer are the polluters. The river itself, continues on its journey. It is the same, and yet different every day.

Sometimes, they may change course suddenly. But usually, the change is slow, imperceptible. but certain. Then one day, someone picks up a map from a century ago and whoops out of surprise. Or, we pick up an old book and wonder if its the same language we are reading. It is not. The name is the same, the flow is similar. But its not the same river.